The chronicles of Kawaii Desu

The Universe

2011-07-17T16:22:00.002+08:00

Some people think they rule the earth. Its them who make all the decisions. Its them who can decide who can eat or who can breath.

'If i say dont move, dont u dare go anywhere. If u do, u'll be punished!'

To h#ll with these people. As though they make the world go round. As though they provide the oxygen. That things simply go according to their needs.

And they can mercilessly bring people down and damper ones spirit should things dont go their way. Zalim... sangat zalim.

May Allah show them they way... the right way dealing with other people. Ehsan bukan sekadar dgn org yg hirarki lebih tinggi. Ehsan goes sesama manusia tanpa mengira darjat, keturunan dan usia. U respect me i respect u more...

If u dont know whats going on, DONT ASSUME n get worked up for nothing. Thats the problem with many, ASSUMPTIONS, ASSUMPTIONS.. ASSUMPTIONS!!!

If u think u can assume that much and able to derive so many 'theories', go and do PhD, or work in any research institutes where they have better use for ur abilities. Dont just sit around and open forum selling ur theories. Blh m,engundang fitnah dan ada unsur mengumpat.

Gosh if only i have other ways... Allah the Ever Merciful... give me strength!

Life as it is

2010-12-04T05:32:00.006+08:00

"Yeah i'm a girl... But i'm like this person right here, sitting all by himself with his face buried in his palms... Down and depressed... just like that.."

Its december!! In less than a month it'll be a new year, new calendar, new hopes and new resolutions to some...

Its great to look forward to a whole new year... To turn over a new page... but i took a step back and take a good look at my life this year...

2010...

I turned 30 early January this year. 2 days later i met with a dreadful accident that snatched my confidence in driving. I was carless for more than a month.

February comes and once i got my car back my landlord told me that she's giving her daughter the house and i have to move out. After series of house hunting, I moved out in April, in the same residential area.

Despite the frogs infestation of the house, i remained loyal to that house. Living alone in a semiD... is terribly lonely. My parents were not happy bout it. But with my superbusy life... what can i do..

June came knocking in and on the 7th my beloved father passed away... while i was in Putrajaya.. Caught us by surprise and i was really down... i fell sick so often after that that my mom had come to stay with me.

Mid of July, my office moved to Cyberjaya... To a new building... And thanks to that, some 'extra unseen population' there began to follow us back to our houses to a point where it freak the h*ll out of my mom. Since then, my mom and i seek refuge at my brother's house in wangsa maju...

Being slapped by the bitterness of this life one too many times, i fall sick again. Approaching August, i was admitted to Ampang Puteri due to chronic tonsilitis that caused my temperature to hike up to more than 40 degrees! As a result, the specialists removed my tonsils and i was on icy cool diet for a long time due to the surgery wounds.

In the spirit of ramadhan, i persuaded my mom to returned to my 'haunted' house and try to work things out so that i dont have to travel from kl to cyberjaya everyday. So we went back to my house in early September and everything went well during break fast until the moment i was waiting for Subuh and i realized that i was sharing the house with a GIGANTIC KOMODO DRAGON!!!

Again, my heart was crushed and i realized that i'm about to lose my home again.

Without any hesitation, i went on house hunting again and find myself another house somewhere further in Seri Putra, Bangi. After a melancholic Eid Mubarak, i moved into my new house in October....

Since then, i tried to find solace and try to put myself together again... Of course there are other issues that i encountered along the way that i can enclose here...

And so i could actually sit next to the guy up here and too, bury my face in my hands...

Then i'll look up again and look hard ahead and wonder what's waiting for me next...

And i'll pray really hard to Allah the Almighty to grant me strength in facing this life and its challenges..........

Whaddaya want from me???

2010-10-17T00:56:00.003+08:00

Howdy friends... I gues i've lost touch with many of you here in the blogosphere...

Havebeen on FB for a while... Have met many sorts of people with various attitudes...

But its not easy making friends... Its even harder when you're addressing strangers...

I've had people deleting me from their list because of silly reasons:

1. I didn't reply their chat because i was simply not at my table!
2. They dont like my wall posts
3. I used poor language! Not 'Oxford' level command of language.
4. I used 'Kawaii Desu' as id instead of my real name...

... and many other silly reasons... There was once and old chap scolded me on my wall because he claimed i used SMS language, which i dont. For all the uncles and aunts, please sufr with open mind.. Some people; like me use fb and blog as a getway, please dont expect perfect language here..

I got one sms from a stranger by mistake.

X: Abg hp kte tu off r btry dh hbs tu (What in the world???)
Me: Sorry but who's this?
X: Opppsss sory.. Ths my mom's number,wnt msg my fiance.. wrong number
Me: Ic, may i know who's ur mom? I tak cam no sbb abru tukar hp (white lie)
X:Excuse.. I slh key in 1 no je ok
M: Wrong no ic. Thought perhaps ur mom is my colleague. Ok
X: No... Bcz my mom is a housewife (X puas hati tu)

Bila dilihat... adakah aku yg konpius??? Itulah... sms lagi tgh2 mlm... kan dah dapat reply phsyco..

Kepada semua pembaca di luar sana yang mengambil berat tentang tatabahasa dan nahu, dengan ini dimaklumkan bahawa ruangan ini bukanlah untuk anda... kalau nak jadi polis bahasa serta kesopanan dan kesusilaan, gi berletiaq kat namewee tu ke...

Saya juga ingin memohon maaf to all that somehow or rather offended directly or indirectly with the content of my sites. I dont mean to offend people...

See you again...

I'm back!!!!!

2010-10-08T18:10:00.002+08:00

More to write after this... To regain my momentum in expressing my thoughts and ideas on paper :)

See you all soon!!

Its Earth Hour again!!

2010-03-27T17:08:00.005+08:00

Its has been quite a while but i'm stealing some time to remind all my dear friends to join in the Earth Hour today at 8:30pm worldwide.

Let's make it happen!!

And hopefully... this is not just an annual celeberation or something for fun... Do this for the coming generation..

Save energy, save water... and save the Earth!!!

Where am i?? Where have I been?

2009-10-26T04:58:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum…..
Howdy folks!! It has been quite a while since I last pen down anything here. Most of the crucial updates of my life have been posted on Facebook. Yeah, u hear me rite.. I've been with FB for quite a while now. Since 2007 but only late last year I break the dormant status. Since for me blogging is quite taxing as I am used to post long entries so I end up Facebooking…

Do u Facebook??

Why not? I'm not here to promote Facebook or any kind of social utility tools online that would definitely include
blogging…

For me, we need to get out sometimes. Even its just being online… Its like your gateway to freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom of guilt, freedom of mind…

There are of course many unfavorable and frustrating events occurs @ work… things that we detest, we disapprove and even loathed… Sort of happen, out of our control… And ur not even in the position to disagree.. Many of us often bury our sorrows and grieves be it domestic problems or work issues… best buried down our chest, we say… but can we stand the agony?

So blogging or posting angry status in FB will be a way to channel your frustration and grieves… Giving u a peace in mind… if ur lucky, there might be friends there that will console and comfort you, giving wise advice…

And the storm calms again…

But……

How do feel when u have to share this so-called space of freedom with your superiors??? How do u feel to have them reading your blogs without having them to change the way they feel about you? Reading alone can cause severe misunderstanding, especially towards entries that are posted emotionally… In the end what u say here might be used against u…

But if you are lucky to have an open-minded superiors, you still have to face the bitterness of the fact that your colleagues might desert you in fear of losing their much treasured freedom… Who can blame them?

So… its not a free world after all…

But quick questions, feel free to answer:

Why a tiny mistake is likely to be amplified and even possible to erase huge positivities?
Why people like to point fingers so much, not to troubleshoot?
Which one is important, your pride, or one' feelings and charity?
Do u criticize people like no one else is better than you??
When u address any issues or points in mind, do you actually consider others' feelings?
Do you enjoy putting others down? Why?
Is it difficult to accept oneself as the way they are?

I miss blogging and I defitiely miss visiting you guys…
Anyway, I'll be back soon… See ya

P/s: it's going November already?? Time flies like no one's business…

Will i survive from what that doesnt kill me??? Hope so

2009-04-18T21:20:00.004+08:00

It has been more than a month since i last updated my blog.

Where i said what doesnt kill you make u stronger...

Yeah...

After having said that, aku benar2 tersungkur... gedebap!! and i thought masa tu keadaan dah teruk, little did i realize things can go a lot worse.. and so it did!!

The Drama

>>>>>>>>>>

After discovering some strength, colleagues that supports u moraly... i tend to find the courage to bring myself up again, so i thought. i was again on track. starting to take care of what i eat, force myself to sleep early etc...

then i face the ultimate challenge... from a superior. it was dark moment.... truly dark...

The environment was too hostile. Although i was on my way up to improvement but somehow there r people who wont let go of the past. My past... My illnesses in the past. my defects... I try to rationalize... I did...

Alas... My significance, my roles had been reduced greatly. felt like being sabotaged. and all simply because i was strugling with my poor health. Although i quickly grasp my innerself together but the wound inside was so great that it hurts.

Since they really wont let it go despite the obvious changes i made... i was really frustrated...

Hence, I made a decision...

I surrendered myself to Ampang Puteri on 28th April 2009.

Went to a gastroenterologist and the Dato' decided that i had to undergo endoscopy and colonoscopy the following day(most drs already expected that anyway). He gave lots of medication that tastes like pure salt to cleanse my intestines and colons so that the scopes can be done smoothly without any obstacles...

So on the 29th morning, feeling terribly weak as i have been drained by those horrid salts, i went to ampang puteri again. my sister was already there.

I was requested for hospitalization, for insurance purposes at first....

........

The procedures and treatment

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Firstly i went to lablink for a complete blood test.

Next i went to radiology dept, for ultrasound on my abdoment...

Then only i proceed to the surgical dept. waiting for feared procedures: scopes

I changed into scrubs and melangut there waiting for them...

I observed the apparatus and equipments that they're gonna use. the pipes, cables, huge screen etc, totally scary...

Next thing i know i passed out.

But suddenly i felt a sharp thrust, and active movements in my abdoments... I was awake and the camera was still inside of me, exploring its way thru my colons, investigating!!!

And i began to struggle and shout. I felt a few people were holding me, to avoid injuries on my colon due to my struggles.

They did not anticipate that i would suddenly be fully conscious in the middle of the session!!

And it was because of my insomnia..... *sigh*

Since they have increased the dosage of whatever it is just to make me phase out again, i was barely awake when the procedure is over. I was muttering something while they were bringing me to the ward. I saw my sister, my bro and his wife, i muttered stuff and i kinda phased out again.

it was a brief moment before i was fully awake with my sister by my side. Dr, then came and explained the results from all the tests and procedures. While my constant gastritis did not damage my intestines/colones (yet) but he's alarmed with my absurdly high count of whiteblood cells and C-Reactive protein. Absurdly high. And the assumption was accumulated/ long term food poison.

So i was held captive. Meaning being hospitalized even longer..

Dr. said: As long as ur blood tests are not clear from all these, we r not going to send u home.... Apart from that, my left ab is terribly painful. I was treated with strong antibiotics and painkiller which caused constant drowsiness and nausea. These effect started to surface on the 3rd day i was in the hospital.

I rejected all the food given to me. Not even hearing bout it. I was trying to be nice when my friends and relatives brought food that might interest me. My dearest boss En. Z brought yummy Krispi Kreme donuts. i ate one. the following day another colleague brought big apple donuts. i ate 1. my sis and her husbands were usually the ones that finish up the food, thankfully.

I ended up becoming even weaker.

They took my blood every freaking morning at 8am, for the blood test for infection. and every few hours they would come to check my temperature and BP. My temperature was usually between 35 to 36.6 degrees. Quite cold... haha a cold blooded woman indeed.

But my white blood cells and the CRP counts keep on inflatuating, but never normal. way out of normal...

On my 6th day, when the series of blood test are making no sense and i was complaining the abdominal pain, i was sent for a CT scan.... abdominal scan...

And that night, Dr. came with the results.

1. My gastro-systems are in normal shape. no swellings. i have to live with the fact that my digestion system is terribly sensitive. I would be best on home-cooked food.

2. He discovered something bout my liver.. quite alarming note. Big part contributed by meds. *sigh*

3. The left base of my lungs collapsed. Yeah collapse, inflammed... at the end of the day it will always come back to my never-ending asthma. And Dr. concluded that the infections are from there. My lungs.

4. I will be discharged the following day maybe at night. And still need for blood tests. now i feel like a guinea pig/ labrat. Depa cucuk tang sana, depa cucuk tang sini.... My white blood cells and CRP count declined but still on the higher side...

I was discharged with boxes of medications and days of mcs and to comeback for a followup the following week. The infections still around.... i had no say.

While i was at the ward.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Since I was under aggresive treatment, I couldn't bring myself to do my work although my senior colleague brought my lappie to my room upon my request (thanks akak!!). I was sleeping most of the time. Insomnia was on holiday thanks to these new drugs infesting my system. Not that i had enuf of them.

So my concerned lil sis in law brought me some enticing reading materials. I bought URTV but ended up with the nurses since i have no appetite in reading 'em. The novels that my SIL brought are Twilight's ; New Moon and Eclipse. And i actually finished 'em.

I was on the bed most of the time since i was nauseaous and drowsy most of the time. I however make it a point to walk around to avoid blog clogging (i need to get out). But always terhoyong hayang... Bani parpu asked me to go and visit neighbouring patients and wards. under such conditions, my PR skills are out of proportion. I might end up throwing out on 'em.

But there are times i would look out of my window, gazing at the skies, the clouds... the ever busy MRR2.... Sometimes the sky is bright and clear, but then some other times there are heavy dark clouds or bright cottony beautiful clouds...

Our lives are like 'em.. There are times we are on top of our lives that our presence brighten others... but there times we r like those heavy dark clouds, bearing all the problem that others hardly comprehend, feeling stormy...

But then...

I've made my mind.

I shall not return here anymore. Feeling so helpless and hopeless. And that's not why i came in the first place.

While i'm here totally trying to improve my health, yet the guilt of leaving my work too long is killing. And i know people talk... I know my real problem. A week of hospital stay couldnt undo the problem that had been embedded in my chromosomes, neither in the environment...

All i need is motivation. Since i mostly get blames from many, so i guess only i can motivate myself in the positive way. Pathetic isn't it. Not that i dont appreciate the critics, but i'm getting tired listening to 'em.

But then i know, it's me....

Well... so far i'm alive... No casualties. Got out of hospital, losing 3 kgs via unhealthy way.

So its time to see, that what that doesnt kill will make me stronger...

So here i am at the office in wee hours, finishing keja2 tertunggak. Its not easy being back on the ground, partially unbalanced...

Gambatte Kawaii.... wish me luck!!

p/s: to dear friends and family, thanks for the wishes, and flowers and fruits and food and visits. I truly appreciate 'em. Its time for me to be back on my feet.

The day i nearly become a beggar!!

2009-03-17T19:41:00.000+08:00

I have been terribly busy these days. Until i no longer know when's the day and when's the night. When its raining outside and when its bright and shiny. Until i skipped my meals and only to go back with tummy growling (if no one orders pizza in the office) which doesnt make me one inch smaller lah kan. People actually wonder if i'm on a looong leave or transfered somewhere.

Since last month, i have been involved in a special project. We have conquered the office library and turned it into our project operation room. Anyway, just to say my life since that... dah kelam kabut... no time to do laundry, no time to clear the house, no time to send clothes to dobi pun. no time to wash my shoes collection.... Talking bout shoes...

Last Monday i had a hard time looking for any nice pair of working shoes to wear to the office. All my office shoes are either filthy, dusty or dirty. Some even needed mending on the heels. Luckily i have one BATA shoes (that's actually kinda casual) left that is black to be worn to work.

This calls for an urgent purchase of shoes!!!

So, finally last Tuesday i went to Alamanda as they say there's a huge sale going on there. So i went and my eyes caught on a handbag and a pair of shoes, both Carlo Rino. Though they call it sales but each of cost nearly RM200. So i was contemplating. I went back with empty hands. But the following day, Wednesday i returned to Alamnda. i still buy them. Actually actually i bought the hnadbag and 2 pair of shoes.

But still i thought i need to replenish my shoes stock. I usually wear my shoes till they are worn out. Usually it doesnt take that long for it to happen as, well, my shoes have to work hard to support the massive burden; me!

Hence, on Thurdsday, i've given some thought. I was earlier doing some negotiations for the projects and was completely stressed out. I only had my brunch at 3pm when i decided to bring just my wallet and went to to cafe to eat. And guess what,

i forgot to put back my wallet inside my new handbag!!!! And left it at my workstation!!!!

Not realizing this fatal mistake, later that evening when i thought all is done at the office, i drove off to Jusco Balakong after peeked my friends doing poco2. I went in, i parked my car. In the car, my digged down into my new shiny bling2 handbag, searching for my wallet to put in my parking ticket. Till the end of the bag, i found no trace of my wallet. My heart pounded so fast that i dont even know what to do. I took a deep breath and try to remember... So i remember carelessly leaving it on the table.

Ok so now i'm in trouble...

1. I've taken the parking ticket. How am i to pay??

2. There goes my shopping mission

I must say i'm glad that a dear colleague of mine (kak aneeraaaaa) was also there doing some shopping. So meaning i have to depend on her to pay my parking fee. Else i'm ready to go to any stranger asking for RM1!! Since all my small changes are in another handbag.

So since i'm all set, i took the parking ticket and place it in a compartment in my bag, where i found my petronas credit card terselit in it. Then i remembered, the same habit, i forgot to put it in my wallet. But what a bliss!! So i can still go and by my shoes!!! :)))

As i walked in JJ, my boss called, and the conversation was not a pleasant one. Actually we were both stressed out, and he was stressing out on the things that i was supposed to do. Me, being stubborn was arguing with him over the phone. I ended up feeling bad about it since i never behaved that way towards him and him to me. I felt so sad.

Before i knew it, i was walking towards the counter with a salesgirl carrying 4 boxes of shoes for me. But i must say, the shoes here are a real bargain. If the day before at alamanda i spent RM400 for a handbag and 2 pair of shoes, here i spent not even RM300 for 4 pair of shoes, Alain Delon and Crocodile. Within 2 days, i've gained 6 pair of shoes. So now i kena duduk diam2.

But still i have to go to kak Aneera for my parking fees. Pathetic. She herself was in the middle of a shopping spree, mostly in favours for some of our friends. Since she's preggie so she got so hungry and wanted to eat. I told her i cant do that since i dont have my wallet. Then she began digging her purse to find any extras from her shopping for us to mencekik.

But she only had a few ringgits left. We walked out of the store after i convinced her that its ok. Then she stopped and laughed crazily... Takutlah jugak kan. But she actually laughed at her silliness.

Me: akak, ok ka??? Ke nak beranak dah?

Kak Neera: takde lah Pah... Nape akak nak korek2 duit?? kan akak boleh gi cocok kat atm tu??? hahahhaahhaahahahhaahhahahahha

Me: ha ah la... huhuhu mesti akak terlalu empathy kita sampai akak ingat akak pun takde wallet. hahahah. kita je la yg tak boleh cucuk apa2 pun (bani jgn ingat lain)

So we were laughing all the way till we reached teppanyaki, eating nasik ayam. sedap. huhuu... her treat. huhuhu... then she gave me RM5 in case of any emergency. SO kind of her huhuh... I love you kak neera!!

But as we were eating she eagerly checked out the shoes i bought. and i got scolded. sebab semua kasut berwarna hitam and pattern lebih kurang sama... well, that's me!

Aisey wht to do la....

Anyway, that's what happened la kan... AIM SORI!!!!

See ya

AIM SORI!!!!

2009-03-06T21:09:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum....

I have been soooo busy lately that i find it impossible to update my blog. I'm currently involved in a study. Yesterday i was camping in the office sampai ke Subuh with the rest of the project team due to our deadline today.

Errr... although aku tak nampak cam buat keja but we're seriously busy, especially in this coming 4 months... but after series of breathless days and anti-social days to meet the dateline, this weekend blh lepak sat. So now...

Cuba try test lihat gambaq2 di bawah ini....

Bolehkah anda teka siapa ini?????

Apa??? tak clear??? wanna a clearer pic????

ok.....

There........

What???? Tak clear jugak??? apa la hangpa ni semua. pi pakai spek la... but aku kasik can... nah...

Hah!! Kenai??????

Currently looking like this:

I dont mean the cute baby... just this absurd guy. Kesian... muda2 encem, dah tua jadi senget pulak... Bani.. bani... Jgn marah ye darling. aku just ikut trend nize... waaaaaa

AIM SORRYYYY!!!!!!

I dream of Hang Tuah, i mean Puteri Gunung Ledang

2009-02-16T00:30:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday when everybodyelse is busy with V-Day (i mean valentine laaa), me and 4 other friends went to magical mistical journey of Puteri G. ledang at istana Budaya.... My colleague telah bersusah payah book the ticket online...

The ticket itself is RM 155, but add another RM2 for phone booking. Seriously, i for one not a big fan of outdoor activities, and the movie version of PGL doesnt interest me at all when i watched it... Sebab aku tak minat cerita cinta...

That's why i waited untill the 3rd season. After i heard a lot of positive comments... And bila my colleague asked, aku pun main agree saja... its time to have some fun kan... especially after all the things that happened last week... *sigh*

In UKM i was quite involved with UKM's theater group. But since i'm not too comfortable with the extend of social interaction there, i've decided to join the technical group instead, jaga bunyi, jaga lighting etc... Since 1st year. I actually joined the UKM theater club (there's a liberal course that i took u know). Then later i reduce my official involvement and just present at my kolj kediaman's practices... It was during one of the theater sessions tu ada bawak kami ke Istana Budaya and i can hardly remember that... So i'm gonna consider this as my 1st time since i'm matured enuf to appreciate it.

The name of the building really defines it. Such grandeur and overwhelming with our dear culture. I really feel like i'm in a castle, though i've seen many other places with richer sence of craft, i like the modesty richness here. Subtle. How nice if i can have a house like that... Not too grand... Angan2 lah kamu Kawaii oiii

Di setiap tangga ada satu tempayan gangsa (kot) berisi air yg ditaburi bunga kemboja... so weet gitu... But what actually make me feel so jakunish is when i'm actually inside the theater, Panggung seni... Cam theater bangsawan broadway pulak... gila lawa... class gitu.. And at both sides of the stage ada an electronic board welcoming us.... And also when the performance starts, the e-screens acts as the english translator that displays all the beautifully translated sentences from the stage. every single sentence. And the language is so beautiful...

Seriously, we were so captivated, terkesuma dan yg sewaktu dgnnya with the performance. It tickles to see the dashing Datuk Laksamana Hang Tuah speaks bahasa KL haha. But his voice is real. Seriously.. I wonder how they did it. The performance was great. The movement is smooth. The props, the technology is superb... And they actually use magic tricks u know and clever movement makes it look as though the people really disappear.. The explosives... the special effects... wow....!!! Not to mention the soun system was perfect!! i love it!! Now aku nak cari soundtrack dia. All the actors are talented with great vocal. so electrofying.

I really hope there's season 4... will go again.... no doubt...

And i really dont mind telling u... Hang Tuah though nampak sedikit bunch, but still sooooo dashingly good looking. I'm drooling for real!!!

And to remind myself how great the performance was, i bough some PGLM merchandise, a note book, a lanyard and a cap... Nice...

Enjoy the preview:

Take a break!!! But i'm about to break...

2009-02-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

Well what do u say to a 46 years old lady hwo forgotten her age just because she doesnt look like one happens to behave like child and start a fight with you? What do u do?? especially if there's back stabbing involved?? How do u deal with that? Just nak tanya..

Anyway, enjoy the clip ok (Bani and Nize mesti suka and menujukan lagu antara satu sama lain)

Another crazy jiwa kacau clip here hehe

Dasaq tak sedaq diri Part II

2009-01-31T22:23:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum...

The above photo was taken after i discovered that my office toilet is now filled with purple flowers... yes aku kat jambam. no, i'm not a weirdo who carries my cam into toilets okeh get it right... The first version of the entry can be viewed here. ..

I dont even know why i put that as my entry title...
How tak sedaq diri am i??

Jalan jalan cari pasai (bani hang jgn perasan dah la call nak mintak direction pun takmo angkat)... I'm kinda indoor person but sometimes buat jugak keja gila such as drive ke penang at 5 am to catch a dateline of tender submission at 12.00noon, and without sleeping that night... and drive balik the same day, not to mention melata pi zoo negara wearing court shoes, mmg la sakit kaki... for more pictures of my adventure kat zoo melaka dropby here. penah jugak nyaris kena attack dgn beruk makye kat ukm ish makan tuan la pulak...

But just i have to keep a close watch on my health so that it will not interrupt my momentum.. which brings to the second point..

Mencekik/menteke tak hingat dunia (the longest i believe)... let the pictures tell the stories

Actually banyak lagi point ketidak sedaran aku... coming soon... let u enjoy the photos first ok.. :)
Letih actually nak upload gambaq... tu belum part shopping and DIY lagi tu...

Disebabkan bani parpu dok pressure aku, ok la okla aku bubuk satu gambaq dia:

Bani seorang yg peramah berusia 24 tahun (nak muntah aku), ramah, kelakaq, mesra dan mudah didekati... Perkataan favouritenya bermula dengan hurof P. Sapa2 nak berkenalan silakanlah, at your own risk hahaha.

Jangan mare ye....... ;) aku melawak saja

enjoy this clip ok hahah:

All of Allah's creation will finally return to the Al-Mighty..

2009-01-24T18:41:00.000+08:00

I found this beautiful photo here.
This entry is dedicated to my most beloved CEO that we fondly call MYS on the demise of his beloved mother earlier today (24th January 2009). Innalillahi wainnailaihi raajiun...

His mother had been ill for quite a while and had been admitted to hospital around two weeks ago..

But still, MYS carry out his tasks as our CEO as usual...
One day last week i was on leave as i have to do some arrangements for my house, and that night i saw MYS and his wife at The Chicken Rice Shop, Alamanda. I was doing some grocery shopping. When i reached my car i smsed him, hoping that he would enjoy his meal.

And he replied that indeed he did. And he added that that was one decent meal he has with his family after some time...

Termenung jugakla reading his reply... i remembered... of course, with all the high expectation leaned on his shoulder after he reigned as our CEO, plus with his mother in the hospital that time, i can scarcely imagine betapa serabutnya hidup and yet he carried out his tasks wonderfully..

And yet last thursday MYS along with many of us stayed back until late at night for a website committee meeting. And he indirectly inspired my that night. U see, i volunteered to do a task but a committee member said what i voluntereed for will be taken care of by another member (i'm not a member just penyibuk) but MYS disagreed and wanted me to proceed. MYS was in sorrow and pain and yet he can still be that leader who lays opportunities to his eager young staffs and having alot of ideas waiting to be realized...

Yesterday we organized a bit of solat hajat for his mom and daughter of another colleague in hospital and MYS was deeply touched that he came to see me before we started to express his gratitude and later smsed me (and the rest of the organizing committee) to express his appreciation. and i'm somehow touched...

And i want to be like that... Giving absolutely no excuses, what ever happens, it doesnt stop your mind from functioning and life indeed has to go on... and still able to express his feelings like that

And today at arond 2.25pm Mr. Z smsed me informing the news of his loss...

MYS,
Thank you for trusting me and giving me that chances, as u always did..
Thank you for your faith in me...
This is the only thing we can do for you.... Take care

May Arwah rest in perfect peace and may Allah bless her soul and place her among the mukmins... Amin...

Al-Fatihah...

Sleeping child...

2009-01-16T03:51:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday my office was shocked with a passing of one of our colleague's daughter. Arwah had just celebrated her 4the birthday last 4th January...

She was borned with heart complications...

That wednesday she succumbed to it. She passed away in her sleep...

When i showed up at the clinic where they confirmed the death, the place was swirming with my other officemates who showed their support...

we waited sampai jenazah dibawa ke masjid, dimandikan dikafankan dan disembahyangkan... we waited...

I actually managed to have a look at the child sebelum dibawa ke masjid.

Very calm face. Arwah was a very cute girl. It really looks like she in deep slumber... Like in the photo..

Speaking of which, this is what we see in most homes in Malaysia... we tuck our children to bed and off they go to dreamland... Peace...

However, things are very much different in Gaza... those poor kids... running for their lives, tanpa mengira waktu...

FEAR is engraved in their nerves...

Here we restrict our children to sleep early.

There... they're exposed to terrifying machinegun sounds and bombs destroying their omes and lives.. Wonder when will they sleep... How can they sleep, with FEAR in their very heart and mind??

When my officemate's lil girl passed away more then half of us turned up..

Actually 3 quarter of us..

Where's the other Arabs when the *** Israels slaughtering these people??? Hiding??? Washing their hands??

Yes i admit my previous post was smothering with anger and hathred..

Yes i got overboard with anger..

Takkan tak rasa apa... here we're filled with frustration when Nurin died, how she's dead, then lines of girls when missing... we're angry...

now we're talking bout mass murders...

PEACE... yes...

HOW??

WHEN??

WHO??

CAN WE???

But first things' first... We have to teach those people some lessons...

There are times when peace will come after great storm... storm in subjective ways...

As for now, my office launced fund raising activities in support for the war victims.. We are also gathering clothes and other stuff to be sent to Palestine via Mercy...

So... let us help however we can...

"Every little favour goes a looooong way..."

Till then... say no to ISRAEL and the likes!! And be grateful that we are living in a peaceful country.... Panjatkan doa kepada Allah ke atas kesejahteraan mereka yg tlh pergi, doakan keselamatan mereka yg dibelenggu peperangan serta semoga segala kezaliman akan diberi pembalasan.. Insya Allah

Screw you!!!! Go to he*l and die a million time!!

2009-01-09T21:31:00.000+08:00

For the innocent blood that u spill...
For the innocent lives that u took...

Damn u!!!

May u rot damn well to the bloody bones in he*l

What goes around comes around
What u do to other people will sure pay its toll and ur next

Curse the Israelis..
Curse curse curse
They r nothing but pure evil..
Laknatullah

No guilt for the mass murder
No guilt for the school bombing
No guilt for the extermination of a race

Barbaric to the max
Animal!!!

Curse them!!!

i have no heart to upload those heart breaking photos of the bombing victims of Gaza...
u can see the headlines of innocent children got sacrificed in those bomb attacks...

And no one can do something???

Ya Allah... Lindungilah mereka dan permudahkanlah urusan mereka....
.....
.....
.....

BOIKOT THESE JEWS AND THEIR PRODUCTS!!!
ALLAHUAKHBAR!!!

On your mark... ready... get set.....

2009-01-07T22:18:00.000+08:00

on the 6th January 29 years ago i was born to this world..., So yesterday was my birthday... another plain day at the office except for my officemates sang lagu wargatua ... manginsafkan.. and the fact one hampeh officemate liken me to siti tanjung perak simply because i sang her lines in the funny scenes in PRamlee's anakku sazali...

Tadi i talked to my CEO, he asked what did i get for myself..

i said not getting anything yet...

my CEO's question for me goes a long way.. While he might have meant what he said but it almost sounded like what do i promise to myself or what's gonna be my resolution now?... and i frankly didnt do any serious monolog to myself bout it yet

Honestly there are so many things i gotta fix right now...

and maybe Faze's rite... i've got a lot of "old stuff/baggage" that i seriously need to get rid of.

The old baggage refers to...

Bad habits
Old painful memories
people that gives -ve vibes
sickness
Bad feelings
literally barang2 lama yg blh diconsider as ancient (in my house la tu)
and others

As long as i keep these stuff... i will not move anywhere...
and had a long heart to heart chat with a colleague... a different kind of chat, about me... not others... spiritual conversation which i hadnt for a looong time...

some sense had been knocked into my thick skull...
today i am 29...

and we have postcab meeting in the office... somehow i felt good sebab i get to meet the DGs and other head of agencies.. how these pakcik greeted me, makes me feel good, its like how i've forgotten that i used to be so poised and confident mingling with high level people...

well now i have been reminded and i will indeed climb up to reach the spot before i fell and then move up further...

its about time for me to make a move...
i'm older and hence should be wiser and more matured..

KAWAII...

ON YOUR MARK.... READY...

GET SET....

Welcome 1430/2009, farewell 1429/2008

2009-01-02T22:02:00.000+08:00

I am a lil late in wishing all of you salam Maal Hijrah

Its not everyday we have 2 new years happens rather consecutively...

On the 28th (last Sunday) 2008 we were preparing ourselves to open a new diary in the islamic context... 1 Muharram 1430.. Hope semua sempat baca doa akir dan awal tahun...

An important event occured, at 622 masihi where our most beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW embark on a historical journey, the Hijrah and migrates from Mekkah al Mukarramah to Madinah Al-Munawwarah on the command and guidance of Allah SWT, through His malaikat, Jibril...

The Hijrah was in fact a great strategical move to a place where the populace wholeheartedly accepted Muhammad’s (s.a.w) prophet-hood and embraced Islam, and they were bent to defend and fight for the religion....

Means when we make a change, it has to be as strategic also..

A few days later come 1st January 2009...

It feels like a wind breeze that now we're at the opening of a new year, another year of hope and promises that we make to ourselves in oder to keep the resolutions that we made.

It feels like yesterday, early last year i was calculating the episodes of my life and coming up with a series of resolutions...

It feels like yesterday when i was lamenting on the bad start of last year..

yeah... last year i had a bad start...

which prolonged the entire year..

and in 2008, my environment had major overhaul...

from having 2 housemates, i ended up living alone in an empty house without anything...
because of the above, i had serious dent on my wallet to refurnish the house so that it will look like house that i can go back to
The General elections... need i say more?? am still frustrated
this year i worked under 3 different bosses and moved divisions... and these chnages of bosses are not something i look forward to... different boss different temperament but the latest boss is a great challenge... but at least i'm close to my old boss, Mr. Z.
this year i took frequent sick leaves that by July i have no more leaves... pathetic isnt it
which means that i have been falling sick this year
I bought my brother's black wira and sold my most beloved kancil to my bro in law... sometimes i wept silently inside each time i see a kancil car. that kancil had done so much for me but in the end i sell it away for a bigger car... :(... a bigger car means bigger portion of money will be parted from me each month...
i emptied my workstation as requested by company as my company is also gearing up for paperless

however, towards the end of the year, i kinda get a good momentum and i would like to keep it that way and steadily increase it...

well what i want is to revisit my existing resolutions and make the best out of it...

me, too will experience a strategic pilgrimage of my career and life at large..

And i definitely will make the best of 2009 as it will be my final year to be in my twenties huhu

Next year (2010), i'll be 30 already... i'll be 29 pun around the corner already..

so now i'll fly for the strategic pilgrimage and seeks stability in my life and career...

All the best to all of u also... May positive wind of change blows our way :)

Gambatte kudasai!!

So this is it...

2008-12-24T21:00:00.000+08:00

First and foremost i'd like to wish all a very happy holidays and selamat hari krismas to the non Muslims (if there r any) :)

2009 is just around the corner.. so its about time for us to revisit our resolution and see how many have been accomplished kan kan...

Earlier i posted bout my CEO's aspirations on creating a conducive environment in our office... had a chat with him, and i admit to him that my place really look like pusat pelupusan sampah... but my CEO said, when he walks around, ada yg macam municipal waste center pun ada hahah hampeh..

so the past few days have been busy clearing my place.. and today, i dropped many gum jaws with the scene of my place now which used to be the semakest of all...

u know why???

previously my place looks like this:

Can u imagine??? me, working surrounded by documents?? mmg pening kepala tau

tula i admit segala macam buku and docs are available at my place. dulu my CEO likes to give me books... so this is the result la hahah

So as i start to clear up things.... my place becomes clearer and clearer...

And these are stuff that i brought home:

So finally....

Tada!!!! But since all the books are at my home now, so imagine la my place right now...

i'm in the ocean of books and files huhu

so coming soon, a major overhaul of my place pulak heheh

would like to start 2009 with a kick!!! Dont cha??? :)

Conducive Environment...

2008-12-21T18:23:00.000+08:00

My life has been kinda hectic lately... but lively... which is perfect for me... after lamenting bout how lame my lefe at work would be now i'm slowly climbing up the success ladder, a looong ladder...

recently my CEO writes again in our sharepoint...

he expressed that in order to achieve excellence @ work and to nurture the innovative culture, the first thing that we need to create is a conducive environment. And it starts off rite at our own workstation and mindset... well i can say its quite a challenge...

yelah yelah, my workstation has always been well u know, messy... with books... so stuffed...

may be yes we need to be creative to create a conducive scene in order to be able to have an inspirational workstation... books might inspire us but too many will cramp our otak. orders have been sent out from our dear CEO's office that we need to do a massive makeover of our place so that the office will become an admirable working place that will motivate us to work harder, and smarter...

well after this there'll be a makeover of my workstation.. and am looking forward for it!! stay tuned!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A healthy mind comes from a healthy body... and that has been an issue for me...

to create a conducive environment does not apply to ur office but at home as well... because having a conducive environment at home helps us to get a peace of mind and a healthier body.

the past few weeks have been excitingly hectic for me... though yes, i often get into arguments with my boss (org banyak boss nak buat camna) but everything is great... since i've made a pact with myself that i'm gonna take challenges as opportunity so i'm making the best out of everything...

actually, i have got a lot to complain last week.. but i dont even have time to be here... what i know we have got a dateline 12noon last friday (2 days ago) to submit our tender doc to Penang, NCER office. We really worked our a** off and we took off (with me driving) to penang at 5.15am, friday!!! We reached the office around 10.15am and submitted our package of documents at 10.20am. We were really casual and tak sempat drop at my house. only after mission accomplished all of us went back to my penang house and tidoq tak ingat dunia hehe... all of us worked hard.. After a refreshing bath and delicious curry from my mom we head back, but of course i took them to the the Chowrasta market, padang kota and dropped to Kuala Kangsar to meet a facebook friend who owns a restaurant. we had our dinner there...

We arrived Putrajaya at 3.15am, saturday...

With this hectic life, i always come back when it's dark so i hardly notice anything about my house..

but yesterday, after one days' sleep, i woke up only to find spidey cobwebs in my house... especially in the toilet, tempat cari ilham...

i guess a spring cleaning for my house is quintessential la... Else i might wake up entangled in cobweb myself... eeeee scarry, reminded me of aragog in harry potter or worse the mean spidey in Lord of the Rings....

for those who dont know, i used to rent a room out of the whole house until my housemate call it a day last february and decided to move out within a week. so in a week my whole financial situation changed. after freaking out, i got excited, and buying some stuff for my house. but it seems that now i need to revisit my house with creativity in mind and figure out whatelse do i need... since i dumped the house for so long, only coming back to eat and sleep (mostly to sleep)... what i know i need a large book shelf... one, my books are piling up and since i can no longer have these documents and book stashed on my workstation, i have to bring it home...

i guess this seasonal break will be utilized to zest up my house la kan...

Towards conducive environment...

Post script:

1. Cleaning up the cobwebs wont be easy... i think i actually raised a family of spiders... in the toilet itself... i cant bring myself to destroy these creatures as they did honourable deed to our beloved prophet, Nabi Muhammad SAW. But the thing is that its growing bigger and how can i do my transaction having to worry that thing might leap twrds me... so how???

2. I think a lot of extras is needed to makeover my house... for the past few months i see my possesions grew in number...

3. I think makeover is not just with my office and house but me... yes me... my health (the house makeover will help this), my work (office makeover will help) and my appearance (after this more vsit to the Gymm!!!)

4. Will pay a visit to Carrefor alamanda to see what i can do

Wish me luck!! Gambatte Kawaii!!

Passion @ Work

2008-12-14T04:05:00.000+08:00

In our company, most of our communications are on virtual platform; we have a sharepoint where all the corporate news, announcement and corporate calendars are made available...

Our dear CEO often pen down (i mean typed down) quite a few notes worth of striking points to ponder..

Lately, agak termenung jugak lah upon reading his notes (ala blogging)... never a word from him that will damper my spirit...

Before he reign as our CEO of the company, he was our COO cum Senior Vice President. So the former Technology Division where all the researchers are (including me) are under his supervision. My work station happens to be right outside his room so me and his secreatry are the first poeple he'll see when he steps out... And slalu jugakla kantoi ;)

Anyway, last year i have constant communication with him, without hesitation as he always emphasizes on open door concept.. Whenever i feel down or got stuck in the process, i just simply step into his office and share my troubles.. He's the best neighbour, seriously... He's quite a visionary and have very sharp opinion and tend to look at things differently, same as En Z. Usually after my dose of discussion with him, i become all new and fresh again and become energetic again...

2 days ago, my dear CEO writes again... lately he talks a lot about human relationship in organisation. He talks about forgiveness and patience. Then about patience, cooperations and team work and listening to others...

But i'd like to draw attention to his latest post: What we do in our company is the relective of the global scenario...
It struck him when he read the Newsweek 2009 Special Issue. He excerps:

What the world needs above all else are new forums for cooperation that reflect things as they look today ...
This will require greater openness and cooperation.
Technology can help.
But so will new attitudes.
It's time for a different, global conversation."

All of the points above had been elaborated in length that i would become inspired over and over again... Again he emphasize on the culture, the brand new attitude that will bring us to a height fit to face the global scenario.

He hopes to see passion @ work again. I used to be sooo passionated with work but well as we all know this year my chart too went down, nearly hit the toilet bowl...

So, it's time for me to push aside all the negative auras... all the negative attitude that i have or from others and brave the challenges... Work and work with Allah in my heart and with sincerity as i always will, with my mind that concieve and believe, I will achieve, Insya Allah...

Thank you, my dear CEO, thank you for relighting my passion for work again.. :)

Post script:
My condolence to the many residents who lost their lives as well as those who lost their homes in the very landslide that hit Bukit Antarabangsa last week, let us pray for their safety, not give them word of sarcasm...

I have nothing more to say but...

2008-12-06T12:10:00.000+08:00

Semoga kita dapat menghayati and absorb the spirit of sacrifice into our souls, Insya Allah...
Sacrifice to be better
Sacrifice for the love ones
Sacrifice in the name of Allah...

May Allah bless us...
For those yg ada berkorban, semoga Allah murahkan rezeki korang :)
Pada yg nak balik kampung (including me), have a safe and pleasant journey ya...

After this i'll drive off to rawang to my elder sister's house and from there we'll go back to Penang :)

See you next week with more positive entries ok :)

What the FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!

2008-12-02T22:40:00.000+08:00

Since i've jumped into new division, my morale, my motivation, my self estemm is up and running again...

To be back with my old boss...
So i thought...

but things are not that easy...
when i thot the storm had calmed, another hit...
Onto my face

Bila disoal dikata kita berkira, is it wrong to ask something that bears no financial implication 2 the company???, when it will move up my motivation to work harder??to contribute more???

Is it too much?
I take the approach of being silent, to avoid breaking and offending hearts

but why is i end up being stuck
i'm not the blunt type that just simply shoot mean words to satisfy myself.
Kita jenis jaga air muka org..

but i always end up in sticky situation
i have enuff issues this year
what a way to close the year
this isnt a good year for me...

I always take the approach of not pouring fuel to open fire...
fire is bad, avoid it

but some people really simply love to ignite things
i really hate it

Benda dah elok2 dok ada, nak bagi gaduh how professional
Nak kata kuli macam kami taklah pulak...

sia2 pangkat tinggi2 tapi perangai cam budak2

what a waste
my head is heavy...

sampai bila nak jadi kancil yg tersepit

Are you ready to JUMP???

2008-11-28T20:36:00.000+08:00

In life, changes are necessary,

Sometimes the changes are major

But what to do...

Embraces change with open heart

Hope for the best and be prepared for the worst

Are you ready to JUMP???

I AM.... WILL JUMP

MADONNA: JUMP

There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait, the more time that I waste

I havn't got much time to waste
It's time to make my way
I'm not afraid of what I'll face
But I'm afraid to stay

I'm going down my road
and I can make it alone

I'll work and I'll fight till I find a place of my own

[Chorus]
Are you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hand
Get ready to jump

We learned out lesson from the start
My sisters and me
The only thing you can depend on
Is your family

Life's gonna drop you down like a limb from a tree
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you see

[Chorus]
Are you ready?
There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that you wait
The more time that you waste
I'll work and I'll fight till I find a place of my own
It sways and it swings and it bends until you make it your own

I can make it alone [repeat](my sisters and me)
[Chorus X2]

Ps:

1. i really do fell wanna jump on my new neighbour's WAJA. Park dah la sampai masuk my area and my WIRA is stuck. I cant park my car inside, had bad experience scratching that car tau. How ah??

2. I'm BIG, so what? What's ur problem? Tak sayang mulut? Nak mampuih??

3. I'm SINGLE, yes so??? Is that ur concern?? Tak kacau laki org aih! My taste is simply out of this world. SO no need to fix me up with any damned bloody fools. No need to cannon2 me or gossip2 with any freaking soul, especially with another laki org or budak2 hingusan. Tak yah perli2 ka apa. I'm fine alone!

4. MInd ur own business and leave mind alone

My passion for RED!!!

2008-11-22T18:27:00.000+08:00

Mood : Normal
Condition: Fever is going away... My head is no longer heavy

Indeed in life there a many choices. As always the good ones will be taken.

Hence we should be wise when making decision and put aside emotion and put on your rational cap.

Be resposible when u chose. Always look into the future and make your brain exercise a bit by thinking of the consequences of the decision that u're gonna make. And please dont put ur personal interest in the front when the decision and the result will involve a lot of people.,

I'm not too sure if rite now i'm in any position to make decisions....

but throughout this year alone i've made up my mine on a lot of things...

A lot...

I've been quite clear about my political stand.
I quite certain bout buying brother's black wira. I've painfully sold my loyal kancil but to my brother in law.
I've decided to be back with my previous boss (Hi En. Z!!)- although it's actually not my decision but i have been quite clear about that...

But not all of my actions are correct..

This year, i've shamefully succumbed to my sickness. I've allowed my emotions to overule my mind and in control of my state of health. As a result, my performance at work dived drastically

However I've also bounced back now
When rational is in control u'll avoid being in a situation that will cause u a sticky end.

However i realised that i have passion for red red stuff...
My officemate aka work station neighbour made me realised that.

I have quite a lot of hot red stuff...
I have red note books (company's)
Coincidently some of my reading materials are red
The gel that sustained my dying plants are red
My red hot camera
My red hot handphone
And latest: my red hot sony mp3...

I have an older sony mp3 which is black which i bought last year.

I see the trend... going for red when i used to be blackie. Ppl always make comments bout me always in black...

Unfortunattely when it comes to the way i dress i have to keep it that way sebab i look smaller in black haha

Anyway speaking of red....

My passion for UMNO never dies

Although UMNO is currently on the rocks but still I will always be a proud member of it!
Despite of the overwhelming hathred for it, I'd say i chose UMNO ...
I can still remember the good old days when unity is very much within the party...

Corruption was very much at bay... The country was prosperous...
But... awan tak selamanya cerah...

Under a weak leader. Darkness eagerly crept in UMNO again...
there are many wrong things happen there and a lot of wrong cultures being embedded. The younger generations are being cast away to make way for all these TUA KUTUKS yg tak sedaq diri...Even to me...

Political assasinations are at large here... Dari akar umbi sampaila ke u know where...
U have the potential to pose challenges to your ketua bhg or even cwgn, they'll cut u off...
Is that how u want to treat UMNO??? By killing your opponents??

That will only draw people away from UMNO

Look at my place, a division in Penang where Jeff Ooi is in charge
They cut people here and there just nak jaga seat sendiri
I missed the day Puteri free from all these anasir
Those days where we were like sisters

But since we have a coward leader who thought we are selfish and bad at heart and have plans to overthrow him so the assasinations took place.

He even went to the extend of spreading rumors and fitnahs in Puteri members

What a coward.
And we have a lot more of those cowards in UMNO regardless what level who will use power to terminate challenges.

SO the youngsters either they stay away or join the others.
We need a platform

And i chose Gabungan Graduan Melayu Muda. A very vocal platform. Lead by a young talented lawyer. Most of the exco are the talented people that i personally know. Here, much hope for the betterness of the Malays are restored.

That i another important decision i made after 8th March 2008.

So to those tua kutuks, dont u ever belittle us. Even this small kitty pun Allah bagi kelebihan yg merupakan pelindung pada dirinya, the shiny eyes...

In the family, your personal future, at work , what more in the crude politics... i've seen many selfish acts.

These tua kutuks arethe worst stingking fish mongers...
Hopefully GGMM will manage to bring together the rakyat...

For Islam,
For Malays
For Malaysia

Insya Allah....

UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL

ps:
Alhamdulillah di tgh2 kegawatn umat Islam kita dah bertambah lagi seorang. Micheal Jackson baru memeluk Islam. Mari kita sama2 berdoa semoga Allah memberi petunjuk dan hidayah padanya.. Syukur...

What goes around comes around...

2008-11-18T22:59:00.000+08:00

It has been a while...

I barely have time since i returned to my beloved old boss Mr. Z. U guys have no idea how happy i am...

Currently i'm developing my area of expertise, working on tenders now. Not just the supporting documents (which is kinda giving me headache too) but creating framework, establishing collaborations with other consulting groups...

But i have been running on fever since last week...

And i dont seem to get much better... but then again i'm soooo into my work that i totally ignore that. Mr. Z ada la jugak gave me free lecture asking me to pay a visit to a specialist since i fall sick too frequently and liat nak sembuh pulak tu.

A whole new dimention for me :)

i guess i shall make no more rooms for whinings... be the tough gurl again haha

So now lets talk about more serious matter...

Sekarang harga minyak dah turun, US pula dilanda gawat...

For me itu satu bentuk balasan Allah....

Just that bila ada pemimpin zalim camtu, Allah Maha Adil...

JUSTICE will be served nicely...

Anyway, example dah banyak di keliling kita...

Yesterday org lain susah

Today, tomorrow u'll never know

Oleh itu beware of what u utter, beware of what u wish for...

Because the consequences might be beyond the thinkable

Dulu US banyak susahkan org, squash all the small fish, but now, look...

When we Malaysia were hit by the economic turmoil in the late 90s, US actually scrutinized and questioned our financial recovery plan...

The sae plan they adopted now to save their a*s...

So the morale is

JANGAN PANDANG RENDAH PADA ORANG LAIN

JANGAN INGAT U'LL BE ON TOP FOREVER

JANGAN MENGHINA ORG SESUKA HATI...

INGATLAH PADA YANG MAHA BERKUASA DI ATAS SANA...

Anyway, pada sapa2 yg ada petua hilangkan demam, any remedies at all that i can use to get rid of this fever by all means please let me know.

My joints are all in pain...

really....

Post script:

I THINK I NAK MENCONTOHI NIZE AND PUT SUARA2 SUMBANG KAT SINI..

HEHEH

So now i dah hapdet so jgn la saiko2 i lagi ok hehe

Sekian terima kasih

Turn Over A New Leaf

2008-10-30T21:48:00.000+08:00

Life is the greatest gift that we get from the Almighty. There are times things are not as what we expect it to be..

And there are times challenges and obstacles and sufferings do dropby to add some taste to life.

Take it. But dont let that get to you. Life is not always a cup of tea..

Face it, embrace it. Seize the moments
Life is indeed full of colors and flavours: vibrant and sweet, dark and payau....

I used to whine a lot... I used to think life is unjust but it's just the way it is... and Allah is just testing u... simply because Allah loves you. I used to feel there's a huge conspiration to take me down but then like what Linkin Park used to say, fear is how i fall and the fear really consumed me, weakened me.

So I embraced all strength just to be the way i used to be, even stronger, to endure it all... To be strong is not just about being tough and loud, about accepting and facing life challenges...

I will, h*ll i w ill!!

..........................................................................

Last week our company had an important meeting held in the Parliament, KL. Last Monday actually. There are 2 meetings in a row and both being chaired by our dear YB Dato Seri Pak Lah. There a few other Ministers at the meeting.

I had a chance to take a photo (illegally??) at Dewan Rakyat with my dear Diyana Gundu. I must say, quietly i was oober excited to be there... Secretly i had a dream to be a member there... hehe, tgk la muka bangga tu

Pinky member... Boleh?? :)

Kudos to all the staff to make it happen. a big family hand in hand working in their respected areas to make things happen. Such a shame i didnt contribute much as i would since i was busy falling sick then.

We had 4 high impact event happening that day actually, 2 in the morning, in Putrajaya involving our MOSTI Minister and 2 in the afternoon @ Parliament with Pak Lah...

@ Parliament, I was stationed at the entrance with N to usher the guests up. Did a lot of walking. Haha imagine in heels haha... MMg la nak patah kaki...

There are also many times that these MPs greeted me, thinking I was Azalina Othman...
Seriously, do i really look like her??? Haha... I really feel kind of proud u know walking with likes of the Industry heads such as DS Munir (MAS), Datuk Bashir (MAS) and not to mention DS Tony Fernandez who is very friendly haha... shame that i tak sempat amik gambaq depa ni semua... Busy... The least i can do... A colleague teased me that datuk Tony asked for my number yeah rite... hampeh

And everything went well Alhamdulillah... :) :)

....................................................................

Again cubaan akan berkunjung tanpa mengira masa... That week (last week) after the event i went flat... Obviously that day was in a lot of action and movement and end up being bedridden the next 2 days. That's when i started seeing a specialist... and i'm glad...

And i actually recieved an SMS from my VP asking if i like to move to another division (back to Mr. Z my old boss) if given a choice... so i agreed. will not analyze why.
There's nothing more healing than hearing this.. suddenly i gained my healing power, the will to be strong... :)

when i'm ok and returned to office to resume my work that thursday, suddenly my laptop was not responding and i left for a good hour but still no use, so i just shut it down bodo2... next thing i know i can no longer log on. the whole night i tried sampai demam. Not to mention i rushed o KL after maghrib to buy tickets to go back to Penang...

That friday i texted out our IT guy to save my laptop which i left on my table. i was down with a fever. But later that evening he said my laptop is screwed for real... Imagine... all my documents, important documents... my photos and media stuff... Dang!! Windows malfunctioned... Vista....

So later i came to take my laptop and went to see the specialist again. I've got infection actually. But dont care, went to UKM afterwards looking for my dear loyal junior (AC nasib aku baik limi was around) to do something to save my documents. Was in UKM till nearaly 4am.

Alhamdulillah problems solved and now i need to get myself an external hard disk to transfer my files before they can reformat my machine. Went back to Penang that Saturday (it sucks that i was not able to sleep in the bus as the seat was jammed) and returned the following day. I could have returned that Monday but i got pissed off with our BAHAGIAN Meeting. As s*it as ever.

During Deepavali i dragged one of my UKM adiks (AC nasib baik ada rashid yg boleh aku heret) to Kajang. To metropoint. and i bought a Phillips SATA harddisk, 250GB at RM249.

In my old self i would definitely pengsan upon learning bout how screwed up my laptop was but since i gained emotional strength i seek possible ways to avy my data. I'm glad...

While at MetroPoint kajang, i saw a CD store, Classic is the name, at G Floor and there i found the anime that i had been looking for all this while: Fruit basket :)

And my next target: Inuyasha and Power Office Girls... For those to fancy and crave for animes do come here... takkan menyesal punya :)

So now would like to go back to work. Diyana sorry aku tau aku utang hang TechScope, on the way :) I'm turning over to a new leaf... a better tougher one, Insya Allah

Kawaii, gambatte kudasaii!!!

psst:

This week i see my specialist again, she was happy that i'm feeling a lot better. She's helping me throughout the way, one thing she said bout expanding my lung capacity (it's with regards to my asthma) is that she asks me to do a lot of talking. A lot of positive speech is good. she even recommend me to take up vocal class. Singing is also good. Good for the heart also. She said i'm all stressed out. I believe reciting the Holy Quran also good for us kan

My dr talks a lot, i guess she's healthy la kot hehe

Live life dangerously

2008-10-18T20:15:00.000+08:00

Hello there friends!!! how's life?? Syawal is almost over... manage to capture the 6 days?? Hope so... Anyway, i'd like to open a different topic today:

How do you define dangerous???

Is it facing gigantic basilisk like the one in harry potter's chamber of secrets?

Or is it being bit by poisonous snake or spider or living adventuros life like the late Steven Irwin

Or experiencing a near death from accidents or illness??

Tell me, do you ever do dangerous things in life?? survived a plane crash or did bungee jumpin???

I assume i played safe each time...

Eat slowly and dont gobble ur meal so that u wont choke
i exercize slowly so that i dont end up with asthma or heart attacks (to the point i actually fall asleep on the bike)
I dont take durians this year to reduce risk of getting fatal attacks
and many more

Although i claimed myself as a safe player many insist that i always put myself on the line
aka: cari pasai... they say i always...

bear the risk of attacks by taking shower in wee hours... ( jgn ingat yg bukan2 pulak)
eat spicy food despite having absurd second hand stomach
enjoy cold drinks
sleep with fan direct on my face

....which ok fine i do all those things,,, but among the many things i do, the one thing that worries my parents more than anything are my driving ethics...

I'm said to drive as though hell is chasing me
my x-boss Mr Z caught me driving with a speed while EATING CHOCOLATES - i'm always on the go maaa... (it was last year and he is still lamenting that)
had quick temper for slow drivers; especially for those who think that they're laju (or drive luxury car) but with a speed of a tortoise... really gets on my nerves. i would curse and curse...
sms while driving (when neccessary); u see my parents are always worried bout me, always complaining that i never reply their smses immediately and answer their calls... soo???

But one thing they didnt know is that since i always drive alone, i had to do everything myself, winding the window for tolls (although auto), taking parking tickets... and snap photos...

yes... snap photos while driving that is

there are so many moments, scenes and views and incidents that i encountered while in the car and it's such a shame that i cant snap it...

so i took my chances... amik je la...

enjoy these phots, fresh behind the steering wheel... (dont report me ok)

and this is my normal speed....

i am not proud of it but actually i tak tau nak post apa..

again, I am not proud of it. I dont want my dear friends to think i am an arrogant selfish being that is also a reckless driver..

people tend to be judgemental... it's a personal right

anyway hope u guys can wish me all the best in my efforts to become a better person, A BETTER ROAD-USER,a betterresearcher/ staff and nontheless, a better Muslimah...

GAMBATTE KUDASAI KAWAII!!

Life has to go on

2008-10-11T17:31:00.000+08:00

Today is 11 syawal... In the spirit of Syawal, the month of Umah Muhammad

As long as we are still alive, regardless what happens, life has to go on...

if u face hiccups, obstacles and u tend to stop doing anything, u'll lose...

be grateful everytime u wake up for Allah the Almighty has given u the chance to make up for ur life...

whenever u face misery, always tell yourself, others had it worse

i have always been troubled by my poor state of health... but there are more unfortunate soul compared to me..

Maybe some colleagues know fellow blogger frankie. She's an officemate of me and someother blogger here. Her new born baby had several heart complications. Last Wednesday her baby undergo a major heart surgery that commenced at 9am ends at 7pm. And that's the best drs can do at IJN. After 48 hours depending on life support machine, the doctors finally switched it off on Friday morning. Then the rest depends on the baby. We have been preparing for the worst but miraculously once the machine is off the baby's heart starts pumping itself...

However the next 48hours is critical so let's pray hard for the baby and its wellness...

Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan mereka... Amin...

I guess i no longer be teaching anymore...

I was being told that the tuition operator had minimized her classes... since some of my students left. So i no longer have classes. However i tend to understand differently. I whatever it is, i feel it's the best. i wanted to quit anyway.

No more late Thurday classes and sacrificing my saturdays for classes... i've become so tired... so since i have no more classes, i can concerntrate on myself more...

so i can be at the gym on weekends like before...

So ahead we'll be seriously busy since we'll be having some high impact events and meetings around the corner involving our YAB PM so whatever things that happen that can damper ur spirit, try to look on the bright side...

so... cheer up, kawaii!! Cheer up guys...

And again...

Selamat Hari Raya!!!

Minal 'Aidil Wal Faizin.... the spirit of forgiveness

2008-09-25T23:53:00.000+08:00

it's already 12.00am, 26th September 2008. We're hitting the 26th day of Ramdhan...

In less than a week we will all be celebrating the day of triumph of 1 months' of obstacles and hardships and tests from The AlMighty...

So how are you guys doing the entire Ramadhan???

Me?? Well, apart from my illness well there's a hard blow for me perhaps the hardest ever when in comes to my human relationships with others..

I've lost a dear friend who lost battle to SLE, fatal autoimmune disease. We had a love-hate relationship and when learned that she was in coma i kinda lose it...

#1. The greatest lesson that i learn is the power of forgiveness...

Bescause of my weakness of handling emotional pressure, i dispappeared from my tuition classes TWICE...

And yet when i finally gained the strength to confront her and explain and admitted my weaknesses, she just simply ask me to just leave it behind... i have been haunted by my guilt to her and i felt so troubled... takut kerana salah kan...

u see, the generosity of forgiveness is like Ambi Pur that gets rid of bad odour around u...

There's nothing to lose when u forgive someone.. dont be like me...

ur actually doing a favor for others, easing their difficulties and for yourself...

Nothing to lose

#2. Next is admit your faults and weaknesses....

I'm not the kind that loves coming up with excuses... but when u merendah dri dan mengakui kekurangan diri, others will try to understand ur problems and situation... i guess it's about time i open up myself...

#3. Then there is facing your problems...

I must admit i hav developed this habit to run away over the years... But clearly many events recentlyhave proven to me that facing the difficulties is actually easier than running away...

when u evade meaning ur prolonging your problem and and worsen the situations...

so be brave ok!!!

#4. See challenges as an opportunities...

Dont whine too much for nothing will be solved. Instead clear up ur mind and see the problems as advantages to bring yourself to a greater height as a human being... Set a positive attitude

So bila you guys mula cuti??

Well, after 27 years spending raya in Penang, this year my raya will be in Sepang. We'll see how this one goes... afterall i'm not alone... and i will already be at my office on 3rd raya since i didnt apply for any cuti... it's great as the office will be quite empty hehe... like last year

Just that lately i have been terribly ill that this week alone i have been on MC for 3 days... and my appraisal interview have been postponed...

To my new boss, N, will you bee my Ambi Pur and be forgiving and give me great marks instead??? hehehe

So....

Apa2, bak kata PRAMLEE dlm Pendekar Bujang Lapok, Walauapa pun yg terjadi, jgn lari, jgn takut, itu semua hanyalah... COBAAANNNN

Jadi selamat beribadah since Ramdhan is coming to an end, so pray hard... lagi setahun baru muncul pulak, by then we'll never kow whether we make it or not...

Juga...

Selamat berhari raya bersama keluarga dan sahabat..

Berhati2 ketika memandu balik kampung... ingatlah yg tersayang hehe

Jangan main mercun. sayangilah tangan anda

I'll be online during raya... till, see you!!

Al- Fatihah...: when the heart stops beating..

2008-09-20T23:57:00.000+08:00

Life is short and live life to its fullest... My friend ZZZ had just passed away earlier today... Again I lose it today and left my classes irresponsibly again.. Till now i have not contacted my tuition operator to expalin stuff as my mind is now centered on her... on Arwah... I hope Allah ease her passing... Apparently Allah loves her more than anyone of us...

i am a coward for not being there by her side one last time... i have no courage to see her when there's no soul left in her. Was outside the area...

later that evening mayat dimandikan...

So now, i've been thinking hard... evaluating myself... wondering if i have been self-centered and coward towards my friends??? i really wonder...

when i think back, loses have never been easy on me... i remembered when i was in primary school, i lost my grandpa sedara (my maktok's brother), i cried like crazy... but of course my mom taught i cried because of protest for not following them to kl.

back then in the late 1996 i was finishing my form 4, my beloved grandfather who has inspired me so much left us for good... was bedridden for a week. those cryings surely gave effect on my asthma....

1998 when my 13 years' old faithful cat, Nasib (dont ask me bout the name) drowned in a longkang while chasing it's enemy near my neighbour's house, i cried like crazy at the scene... my neighbour were scared seeing me. and since then i dare not love cats to that extend again... ( so i say)

2005 a decendent of my Arwah cat passed away, we called him kitty, a siamese cat that's dear to my family, the decendent of Nasib... The day before, my dad and i brought him to a vet since he was feverish for so many days and became so weak... that day i came back from UKM so helped my dad to drive him to a vet. But he died the following day... and i refused to see him or to help bury, it will remind me of Nasib...

I dont know but throughout my life i've developed this habit of running away or just to look away so that i wont feel any pain of lost... I'm a coward big time... i really am..

so now, Ya Allah... give me strength... to face all of these challenges.. Give me strength to endure the hardships of life...

I'm now evaluating my lifestyle... muhasabah diri... analyzing myself and coming up with an action plan... will stop evading problems now... will find the strength and courage to face them... work wise, i have a lot in my hands now...

Somehow i should find more work to do so that i'll be tougher... This Monday will be the appraisal interview and Ya Allah give me strength to face this... thing's will be tough for me i bet it will... i have a tough boss evaluating me. Wish me luck ok guys.

And for all, let's recite Al-Fatihah and surah Yassin to our loved ones...

Last year after raya my Maktok was admitted to Hospital Putrajaya for a broken leg (she fell in toilet at 2am while in sepang!). Since then she was stuck in Sepang with my aunt... and i know she's not happy being there although with the loving company of my aunt & her family but i know she wants to return to penang...

now she's on fever... 2 weeks ago an ustaz said, we always recite the holy Quran (some dont even do it) to the ones who are no longer around... but you must also do it to the ones who still here...

like your sick mom, old granny... etc... so let's not confine our recitings only to those who are in the here after but to others who are very much alive as well.. Ayat2 alQuran tu kan penyembuh...

What i must remember, all the good things come from Alla, while all the unpleasant things are from yourself....

Selamat berpuasa dan selamat mengharungi Ramadhan yg bakal berakhir....

Ramadhan Karim...

The mortality of Life: while the heart is still beating..

2008-09-15T23:53:00.000+08:00

This may be considered as a reflection...
Lately I was disturbed by the ghosts of my past... I was concerned with the recurring patterns that disrupt my future.. But then I was always worried about myself...

Till last Friday, that night... I was in UKM.. Received an SMS, "Salam kawan2, sahabat kita zzz sedang nazak di hospital. Sekiranya ada masa sila luangkan untuk melawat beliau. Sama2lah kita sedekahkan bacaan yassin untuk meringankan bebannya. "

It didnt ring any bell of who the exact person was... what i know this person is a matric friend of mine. But i didnt give any reaction till i got another sms from a closer friend from my matriculation. "KD, mung tahu dok zzz koma leni?? " i got alarmed... suddenly i felt a hard blow on my head...

i replied, " Mung ni cakap pasal si zzzz??? yg sebilik dgn aku time first year kita matric ke???"

She replied, " ho lah KD wei. Roommate mung dulu tu la.. Meh gi lawat dia esok... Set2 ni ghoyak tunggu masa je tu.."

i nearly fell when i read that reply. I called her to confirm and thus a memory was being resurrected...

ZZZ suffered from SLE. She's now in a deep coma....

Systemic lupus erythematosus is a chronic autoimmune disease that can be fatal, though with recent medical advances, fatalities are becoming increasingly rare. As with other autoimmune diseases, the immune system attacks the body’s cells and tissue, resulting in inflammation and tissue damage. Lupus is treatable symptomatically, mainly with corticosteroids and immunosuppressants, though there is currently no cure.

As such, in this case, ZZZ's defence system got confused and ended up attacking her own cells. There has been serious bleeding at the brain.... Last week she finally succumbed to it... Had been in UM Medical Center since...

The last time i saw her was in early 2000, I was waiting for my first semester to begin, she and a few of my other matric friends who didnt make was in UKM doing a series of makeup exam so that they can enter UKM as well. And wasnt a memory i was fond of.

What bothered me so much is that i had a history with her... i was constantly in touch with most of my matriculation buddies. But 9 years had elapsed since i last saw her.

I had not spoken to ZZZ that long. Because we had a crisis before. It was during our final exam before we completed our matric course. I can still recall the incident clearly.

The history:

ZZZ was one of my roommate back then during our first year in 1998. I did my 2 years matric in Terengganu. as we proceed to the 2nd year, i was separated from her. but another roommate, LLL remained. ZZZ ended up in another unit above us (we were living in apartment) but our relations remained close as ever....

Until one fine night, everybody was studying for the exams. The following day was the 1st exam of the final sem. As usual some housemates had asked me to teach them Chemistry. and so i did.

Before i knew it LLL and ZZZ were fighting, arguing and shouting... with me stuck in the middle. being watched by my other housemates.

I was sick, but i was trying to teach. and so i yelled at both of them. ZZZ was stunned. She run up back to her nest, crying. After a few dose of scoldings i made to LLL i went up to look for ZZZ.

I went straight to her room, found her on her bed crying. Apologized for yelling and was trying to persuade her. but she wouldn’t listen to me. In the end she asked me to go away.

“ Doh KD, boh la, balik la mung. Dok soh mung caghe ke aku.” She said.
I replied, “Mana boleh gitu, mung kan sahabat aku!” I insist...

She yelled, “ Aku dok ngaku mung sahabat aku!!!” and she left her room, to the kitchen leaving me termangu on the bed. I felt her words are like thundervolts giving the fatal shock to my heart...

slowly I went back to my place... not wanting to do anything any more... I cried silently... I was hurt... I couldn’t teach... I was at the balcony all night... that sentence echoed, lingering on my mind...

“ Aku dok ngaku mung sahabat aku!!!” That really hurts.

However the following day I saw LLL and ZZZ are again talking to each other. And LLL tried to persuade me to talk to ZZZ. I refused. I don’t owe her any apologies. it was the other way around. ZZZ confessed to our friends she hurt my feelings. Dia tahu aku kecik hati. but that’s it. My broken heart was not amended.

All she did was to ask our friends about me since she was aware I was not healthy. Itu saja? Cukupkah dgn bertanya khabar dr yg lain?

And when I went to UKM during the semester break before I started my degree in UKM she avoided me. I was in the study room with them. she was not aware I was in UKM. When came into the room, she saw me there, we were looking at each other and then without hesitation she left the room, causing more damage to my heart.

Others was surprised with her reaction. For me, that’s it. I confirmed one thing, she was never my friend. again, silently I cried. ZZZ and LLL didn’t make it to UKM. But they pursued diploma in UiTM and then bachelors. While they were there LLL tried to make us talk but masing2 tak mahu mengalah. Till ZZZ actually smsed me, disguising herself. but I ignored.

I asked LLL. will it hurt her pride to actually apologize to me properly rather than doing all of these?? did she really feel it’s gonna waste her ego doing that??

So 9 years gone....
and now she is in COMA...

Was I being too stubborn?? i was never being unforgiving...
I ended up not being able to sleep that friday. what I know, I stayed up, saturday came and after my Subuh prayer, I drove up to UMMC. Parked my car and I went up. as I reached that level my heart was pounding.... I lingered around. had no courage to go in.

Finally I approached. from afar, I saw her dad. and again I felt nervous. I waited at a corner till everybody left and so I went to her.

she was totally unconscious, and on life support system. and I ran off... i cant stand to see the scene... I walked around the hospital, weeping... crying...

before I knew it, it was already 9.45 am. And I actually abandoned my tuition class unannounced!!! I called up my tuition operator, apologizing; lied to her telling her my relative was in hospital.

I lied at the relative part. ZZZ wouldn’t even admit I was a friend and here I thought of her as a relative... of course the tuition operator was furious with my irresponsibility... and I apologize profusely.

I drove back to putrajaya, crying inside the car. Later that day planned to actually visit her. but couldn’t find the courage. No one knows I was there the entire morning. I find excuses to be excluded when other friends invited me to join them to visit ZZZ.

But Monday came. I was outside my office the entire day. To do my work, of course... but my mind was on her...

So that evening I drove to UMMC again and this time I actually went there. I saw my matric friends and there we sat...

I potrayed a cold reaction. I supposed my tears had gone dry over the weekend. deep inside i totally regretted my stubborness.. Our stubbornness...

Dear friends... while our hearts are still pounding... be sure not to do anything that you'll deeply regret...

There people who live to regret for not having the chance to express their true feelings to their dear family and friends while they're still alive...

Not being able to tell them how many they love and care

Not being able to say they're sorry for the things they've done..

Not being able to do the right thing...

Not being able to repent.... Na'uzubillah....

We'll never know when our time is up. Pray hard and appreciate the people around you.. The most important thing is ur ibadah.. our worshipment to Allah the Almighty... Always clear your heart from wary and be forgiving...

Sedangkan Nabi Muhammad SAW ampunkan umatnya...

Dont be like me...

This Ramadhan has a lot of deep lessons for me....

ZZZ... Forgive me....

*sigh*

Ramadhan Monolog - KD's ill past

2008-09-10T23:55:00.000+08:00

The photo was taken last sunday on a sunset at sepang. My mom came last weekend and i took her to bagan lalang, sepang where my grandma is now... i made it before we break our fast, just in time...

Ramadhan...

Each year was different...

This year i never spend the time at the office... i always break my fast at home, usually with ntah apa2... i only go to PARAM twice so far... i've lost my mood...

2007: i was already in Putrajaya and i break my fast almost everyday in the office... was extremely busy....

2006: just graduated and temporarily tutoring at home and was active big time in Puteri UMNO... during Ramadhan we did a lot of activities, finding funds for the unfortunate
2005: was a student, underwent a dental surgery to remove a wisdom tooth that had been giving me problems.. same was the year before...... before this, i was always a student....

i will not deny the fact that this year have nothing much in store for me... i somehow feel so shallow..
luka dalaman yg bertimpa2... one after another...

Someone once described me as being BERJIWA HALUS.... Am I??? This year i was indeed fragile and vulnerable.... physically and mentally...

Many times this year i tried to bounce back over depressions and many distorting events and yet there'll be other event that occur to damper my spirit.... one after another..

i must say if i keep on like this how long can i last...

i was totally different from last year; from before... even the content of this blog has always been on work, on how i enjoy them, sharing my feelings on my work.. but that was last year...

this year??? all the whinings... i wonder why i became so weak... to think... my body is so weak this year... i have always been bothered by this endless ills... Gastric, insomnia, asthma... whatelse??? i can really tear myself apart out of all this...

once a superior asked me why bother to stay up if i failed to get up next morning... He doesnt undestand, i dont intent to stay up, I CANT SLEEP... i dont do it on purpose!! i'm all envious when others enjoyed their good night sleep while me????.... enuff said...

how can my body contain all of this??? i might be approaching 30 in less than 2 years; considered young by some. but my body is of an old person... i dunno how long can i last... how long can my superiors tolerate...

i have always been like this ever since i was young... but never felt this depressed because of it... i was blessed with illness eversince i was young so i have always lived my life differently... from other kids. i was under control of anything... i dont get to eat what i want, i cant play like any other children... i was all in the house, spending my time falling sick... since primary school i had problem sleeping... because fighting my attacks that occurs at nights and in the mornings... so it was natural for my parents to be over protective over me.. however, i endured all pain myself with help of my late grandpa reciting the Holy Quran for me... no drugs...

My attandence had always been poor eversince kindergarten till i was in UKM... but i have always done well... in school... in primary school, no significant damage is seen resulting from my illness....

however, things got a bit rough in high school. i was still performing... since i was in the same circle of friends since primary school so i was blessed. but the teachers are beginning to act tough on me... no all but 1 or 2...

i was supposed to take my SPM in 1997. the year haze attacked big time. it effected me badly that i forced my parents to allow me to use the inhalers... i was absent for a few months... so imagine sendirila the effect of it... only this year i saw how the teachers hated me. and they took the advantage of my weak state to drown me.... they nearly do.... and i nearly ended up without a cert... Racial issues... that's why i chose UMNO....

Allah is great and all ever The Most Merciful. I bounced, got out of Penang, did a 2 years UKM matriculation in terengganu. it started off beautifully... i was the top scorer, Alhamdulillah.. i rebuilt my lost confident.... but turned ugly the 2nd year, due to the presence of La Nina... again i got sick... and the director tried to send me home... luckily my lecturers defended me and i stayed till the end... but of course it destroyed my effords of becoming a doctor. I was frustrated... deeply... another wound to this broken heart... and also some close friends betrayed me...

So i came to UKM.... again, i was doing very well the first 3 semesters, well-liked by my lecturers... and then the table have turned... i start to fall sick.... my friends who used to turn to me for endless help now turn their backs on me...

some even talk badly of me... but i'm glad... this time my lecturers really did help... for 6 years i endure all sickness... i'm thankful that UKM have such wonderful lecturers who understands and appreciate their students... who will not wash their hands on problematic students...

i was glad.... if it is not for them... i wont be graduating... they tolerated my conditions... i was ashamed but they accepted my condition. i was deeply moved...

Now... the same pattern... i was doing well (so i thought)... and now i'm drowning... i'm becoming very tired of this... to think i'm wondering if my surrounding actually accept this... i'm afraid of my future...

This year.... i have no more leaves left... all my cuti have been spent on my sickness... i'll spending my raya in Sepang... I'm sad...

I'm really tired... my heart is severely wounded by several occassions.. throughout the major events of my life.... i dont know how can i brave myself... how mush strength left within me to bounce again... like before... I need support... i'm all alone... i have no one to turn to...

I'm really tired... really.... since i keep on falling like this... if only people try to understsand my sufferings... I'm sick of being sick...

YA ALLAH... GIVE ME STRENGTH.... GIVE ME STRENGTH TO ENDURE THE OBSTICLES.. MAY THIS RAMADHAN I FIND MY STRANGTH... MY CREATOR... ONLY THIS I ASK OF YOU... OPEN THE HEARTS OF OTHER TO UNDERSTAND ME...

*sigh*

My itenerary in the Holy Ramadhan

2008-09-05T23:52:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum and a very good day to all...

today is already 6th September, embarking the 6th day of the Holy Ramadhan... so how are you guys adapting to the fasting season? ataupun everything's just the same?... Me? well my days go almost the same as the days without Ramadhan but then i guess the rainy days are just squeezing my lungs... takpe la hujan rahmat...

although i already have a series of yet-to-be-accomplished resolutions stacked this year, i wish to add the series... actually what i intend to do is already in the existing solution but i wanna strengthen that. I'm talking bout my weight. look at the picture. it was during a colleague's wedding some months ago.

What i wanna emphasize is me and my other friend yg kat belakang tu: Bani parpu... compare me and him. Bani, hang jgn perasan pulak bila aku letak gambaq hang kat sini. and jgn kembangla dgn my ramblings here. but my point is that this guy yg dulu sekembang alam that i felt comfort to have him around (sebab takdak la aku gemok sorang2)... now, even bani pun already shrunk... i looked like his aunty pulak walhal DIA LAGI TUA DARI AKU.... HUHUHUU SO I WANNA MAKE SOME SIGNIFICANT REDUCTION IN MY FATTY MASS IN MY BODY... tapi boleh ka???

sepanjang Ramadhan ni saja dah 2 hari aku MC, wednesday and yesterday, friday... all thanks to my poor health.

"Ya Allah... semoga Engkau mengurniakan kesihatan yang lebih baik kepada diriku... semoga Engkau memberi kekuatan kepada diriku menempuhi cabaran ini... Amiin..."

I spend the first Ramadhan with my elder sister who sensed that i'm gonna be all alone and misreable during that day, so sweet of her (of course la i have to treat her). 2nd day was in the office, but did not go to PARAM and had only a sandwich fro break fast... as the result, iwas under gastric attack but i maintained my fast, only visit the dr after break fast.

Quite empty huh? so come Thursday....

Morning:

As usual inspector sahab would come and inspect my car, just that lately i prefered to park my car outside sebab feel too lazy to do all the rituals of opening and closing the gates etc... as a result inspector sahab never get the chance to do internal inspection like before... so she made an external check before letting me go... at least ada la jugak orang nak say goodbye hehe...

that day was a tight day at the office, not to mention that morning we had an operational meeting that brings me to deep thought for a while. our COO chaired the meeting. i for one was in agreement to some of her hopes... anyway, right after that the entire office was held captive for another briefing session with regards to insurance. after that for half an hour we invited a personnel from JAKIM (many says he's good looking but... i beg to differ).. for half an hour he talked about time management...

This is something i'd like to share:

6 things that we can do:

Always looks back at ourselves and our mission (muhasabah diri & mission)- as a Muslim, as a husband, as a wife etc
Always remember what are our roles and responsibility (again as a Muslim, a staff, a daughter etc)
Remember our goals (in life, marriage, work)
Plan; fail to plan is plan to fail
Practices integrity (amanah and tunaikan janji)
Always value (menilai)

We, as human being are indeed fragile. And time can either strengthen us or make us even more fragile...

There various ways to describe time. Time sometimes is seen as being:

longest - in measurement of longevity, ukuran keabadian, lifetime
shortest - for those with much things to do have no time to do 'em
fastest - for happy people who is experiencing nice things/events in their lives
slowest - for those who are suffering (in jail, in hospital etc)

According to him also there are 4 types of souls (jiwa):

Jiwa besar (great soul): always talking about knowledge

jiwa sederhana(moderate soul): always talk about the events and surroundings

Jiwa kecil(small soul): Always talk bout others..

Jiwa paling sempit/kecil (most shallow/smallest soul): talk bout oneself all the time

So in this blog i admit i only blabber bout myself, and sometimes about surroundings... outside... i do not know, perhaps long time ago i always blabber bout knowledgeable stuff but people took e for a freak. sometimes depa rasa i was showing off. i like sharing, knowledge is sharing but since our people are not the type that appreciates that unless these comes from the mouth of a CEO, bosses or great leaders so i backed off... quite a long time ago. but i realize it shouldent dampen my love for knowledge. will jump out of the shallowness!!... slowly i will.. there, another resolution made!

Later after Zohor around 3.15pm there's a divisional meeting chaired by our vice president. We were in session for a good hour then me, my partner and our VP stayed back at the board room. Started with operational stuff, then some knowledge but then our discussion took a political path... an interesting, yet emotional path... maklumlah cakap pasai Islam and Malays

By the time we end the session, the office had been cleared. Few people left (us). So i took off to Putrajaya PARAM (pasar Ramadhan la) at 5.40pm. When i reached my car, i saw a damn gorgeous car next to my black wira.... A Honda Accord Sedan the latest... such a gorgeous thang... with Ministry of Finance as a back drop, seriously is melambangkan luxury... It was raining and still i took few shots of it...

Although opposite it is already the PARAM but i have to endure the pain of jam.

Although it was raining, there are still people there, lots of them queueing, but i feel still tak boleh beat PARAM kat Bangi... Sampai kena jalan macam orang Jepun tau... so only grab things that are closest.. malas nak endure the rain..... so the first familiar thing a saw was the Pulau Mutiara Char koey Teow... I always buy this when i was @ UKM dulu... so nostalgic... and after bought air asam boi and chicken and yogurt, i left...

Somehow i felt the char koey teow was overwhelming, for a special package... To the fact that i feel like vomitting and i ended up not being able to touch the remaining ayam percik. i somehow did finish my fried chicken. after a quick gulp on the yogurt, i rushed to the toilet to take ablution for my Maghrib prayer alas, i puked... there goes my PARAM item...

Next... after my maghrib, i rushed off to Taman PuncakJalil. Nampaknya every Thursday i'll sacrifice my time. To teach of course... only a few turned up. The noisy ones were absent.

Such a relieve, because i was feeling nausea... and nak cirit pun ade.. was it food poisoning or irreasonable purchase of food with weird combinations i do not know. but what i do know at the end of the day i was exhausted dur to the endless toilet sessions and my chest is giving out signals...

so, what i did was i drank a lot of warm water (baru nak sedaq diri) and straight to bed... woke up at 6.40 with terrible attack so i slowly got up, took ablution (wudhu') and performed my subuh... then, there i was on the rug, for a while and then i had to be on the bed again, i cant breathe and feel like vomitting...

i seriuosly thought i was gonna die. so after all that, i went back and force myself to sleep.

only later that night i went to dr. i got a jab for my gastric and took gas for my asthma... what a day. and suddenly i felt ok... so my next resolution: TO BE FREE FROM DRUGS!! CAN SURVIVE AND LIVE WITHOUT DRUGS (I MEAN MEDICINES OK)

What i know is that i'm not able to sleep due to those medications and this morning again i have classes till 12.30pm. All the best to me and also my mom is coming to KL today (she's always quick when i'm sick like this)... Again, selamat berpuasa and pada yg ammpu selamat menunaikan Terawikh... :)

suatu hari di Alamanda...

2008-08-31T20:22:00.000+08:00

I found myself at Alamanda around nearly 6pm tadi... Look:

so many people!!!

what actually brings them there???

what day is it today??? just a plain sunday....

alamanda is less than 10 minutes away from my house so i always end up here most weekends... biasanya tak le padat laguni...

check the date....

oh yes, 31st August...

today is independence day la!! and to think esok 1st September and it means it would be 1st ramadhan 1429H!! meaning today will be the last day we strut around the mall in broad daylight gulping down coke!!

SINCE THAT'S THE CASE:

SELAMAT MENYMBUT ULANGTAHUN KEMERDEKAAN YG KE 51...

semoga kita menjadi bangsa yang benar-benar merdeka... semoga kita sentiasa memperjuangkan kedaulatan agama, bangsa dan negara yang tercinta

dan...

SELAMAT MENJALANI IBADAH PUASA DI SEPANJANG BULAN RAMADHAN INI..

semoga kita memperbanyakkan amal ibadah di bulan yang mulia dan penuh ujian ini dan harap amalan kita diterimaNya.... hopefully we endure these tests and obstacles...

All the best ok!! :)

Selamat mengahayati Ramadhan... Enjoy it... Bulan Umat Muhammad
AND THE TEST BEGINS!!!!

I'm still alive thank you very much!!

2008-08-29T00:21:00.000+08:00

I'm breathing, not a ghost, still can touch me (opss)!!
I really love my life these days...!!

travelling here and there...
the entire of last week the entire researcher group was away in the north peninsular. the first 3 days we're in USM for Sustainable Development conference where KARAM SIGH WALIA as one of the speakers, but we took off on Monday the 3rd day was a series of excursion starting from Orang Utam Island in Bukit merah to Nibong Tebal, to observe CSR project on mangrove swamps...

while we were thrilled with the bukit merah trip but we cant say the same with the latter trip. USM brough 2 busses of particpants there but we have to get down at the fisheres office and walked for more than 1 km (in heels) along rocky roads full of cow dungs!

but worth the knowledge we got. i like! then after enduring the riddiculous jambatan jam i drove my friends to Alor Setaq and got lost before actually arriving to Holiday Villa... By the time we arrived most of the shops at Setar walk aro closing but i managed to get myself so sets of nice brooches and crystal necklace...

Friday, we joined our big bosses at Bukit kayu Hitam for a meeting with a stakeholder and stopped at BlackForest Country club which surpass the boundary.. the food was fair. later we head straight for Kulim tech park Corp, another meeting with stakeholders... Mr Z my dear boss who was taking photos caught this, obviously he saw me drifting away and caught in on photo... cheh the jam, the rain was dreadful that we took a few hours to get to kulim. after the b rief meeting, we took off to putrajaya, arriving at nearly midnight...

hence, that weekend i was struggling with my 1 week laundry (note; i handwash everything) and became so tired!!!

monday came and another not so surprise landed... a few weeks ago me and a colleague applied to attend a renewable energy conference in Bogor but since they were quiet we thought well, the application went down the drain... but that monday came and it seems HR was all tensed processing our stuff, making flight bookings, arranging our itinerrary etc,,, man, i was like.... not looking fwd... tenaga pun blm pulih (note: i'm not in the best helath these days rite)... especilally this meant we'll depart that monday jugak.... gila...

i mean, we know nothing of how to move about, the currencies, the place etc,...

but still, that afternoon i was asked to go back and pack my stuff and come back later that evening.. then i was already in plane that night... and the flight was full...

we touched down jakarta at11.50pm local time and took a private cab (which was a luxurious toyota mpv that cost us Rp 600k) to our hotel, Mirah Hotel in Bogor. The journey was 2 hours. i was well-known for my ability to doze off in cars and buses but i dare not to even close an eye lid here as i dont know are we ok with this private cab, is it safe, is he really taking us there etc...

but really, thanks to the driver, we learns some facts of indonesia here...
the hotel is fine (above pic) just that there's no iron provided and we have the laundry people to iron our clothes and being charged perpiece... silly...

and that very morning we have to check out and bring our luggage along to the conference as we have to move to another hotel which is novotel... the venue of the conference is IPB, Inst. Pertanian Bogor (pronounced as ee-pe-be) which is now Botany Square, where lies a mall similar to alamanda, at a smaller scale... it's nice to see familiar faces there, Malaysians i mean.. ada bosses from MOSTI and SIRIM and Zainal san... hahah... thank Allah you were there...

there during lunch at JCO we talked bout and important event that was taking place in malaysia right now. the permatang pauh election. have no interest to know. already expect the results to turn out that way. i just sincerely hope that they stop thinking bout themselves, rather fikir pulak pasai orang melayu yg kian tenggelam ni....

That place is ok... ok lah... ada starbucks and Jco... JCO is big here, the owner, Johnny Andrea also owns chain of salon, for massage etc...

and that night we moved to novotel... and we didnot expect it was a nice hotel... and we got a nice room... i bet it was damn expensive,... there's a bath tub outside and a garden... very luxurious... (mesti kes bilik penuh and our office only have this option)haha... just look;

not just the room was great... the hotel itself have:

1. spectacular view and scenes

2. Great Floras

3. Great archs (18sx) hahaha

FAST FACTS ON INDONESIA

For every RM190, we'll get Rp 500,000... since we changed more than just that, merasa jugak jadi jutawan. when calculated, RM 1= Rp2631.6
the difference in time between m'sia and indonesia is 1 hour. so when arriving jakarta i have to minus 1 hour from my watch
the flight was 2 hours (MAS)
subuh here is around 4.45am, zohor around 12pm, asar: 3pm, maghrib 6pm, dont know about isya'
in jakarta alone the population is 35 million.... imagine that...
the biggest and most reliable taxis are from the Bluebird group... their taxis are all toyotas.. taxi kita???
it took 2 hour of clear road from jakarta airport to bogor
apart jakarta, there many more business/city center that beats kl like kuningan
there are no speed limits here, meaning no speed trap!!
the indonesian drivers are not too fast although u're free to speed but yet they r feisty and furious... honking all the time
indonesian guys especially those working in hotels and airports are hot!!! and they say i'm arabian (what a spoiler!!)
they hold dear to their culture... the patung2 are like everywhere... batiks...
the traffic jam is MACET and i really can die out of it

thanks to the MACET, we nearly missed our 3.45 flight. if it is not for the delay, we have to buy another ticket from our own pocket money. it was a 3 hours delay... so kami duduk melangut kat airport... bought a few books at a book store at the terminal... even the airport was traditional... many patungs and batiks and traditional musical instruments sold there.

flight took off at 8pm local time. MAS serves nasi puteh with kurma chicken and gravy, so delicious that i finished off everything. by the time we arrive, it was already nearly 12. we were sl;eepy, tired and took the wrong train and ended up in kl sentral. took a cab back to putrajaya and dahtak ingat apa2 dah...

sekian terima kasih, kalau ada fakta salah sila betuikan ye

What's up for the past few days

2008-08-17T22:06:00.000+08:00

Behold... the view from my workplace... simply breathtaking... these past 2 weeks i can barely breathe... And starting from 12th August this week is the Pyro Festival, u know, the fireworks show...??

Last year i did put up some posts on that... i wass very busy last year but i still manage to be one of the spectators... but on that day, many of my colleagues went back early despite having lots to be done. because they live outside putrajaya. i was the only one stayed back till 3am faithfully doing my work, pushing aside the fact that i only ate brunch that day.

FRIDAY

Came in late (but still have to come as ada dateline) making way for my asthma attack to ease down... kena terima hakikat that this asthma is gonna be my ritual every morning... was stuck in some discussions and decided to go back early, while its still day time. before i took off, i went to the LG level of our office buiding, as our office club initiate an aerobic activity down there... The main one is POCO2... Nice view kan? mengadap masjid and perdana putra... My colleagues are down there di sebalik pokok2...

Then dropped by to Perbadanan Putrajaya to make some transaction. Many didnt realize that ada CIMB kat sini. in putrajaya, CIMB was in precinct 8, near 7eleven, then moved to MOF (Ministry of Finance) cluster building in Precinct 2. But soon after that there's another new branch here at Perbadanan Putrajaya. MayBank is in front and CIMB is at the back.. Kecut jugak petang2 i was bold enuff to go the backstreet of PUtrajaya Corp ni. But the view is nice actually...

Then i just go back home, prepare some dinner and do some quality reading (because i cant sleep)... till 4.30am... was suffering while doing as i realized my fridge had no exciting drinks in there...

SATURDAY

I start off my day teaching in the morning at 8.30 till 10.30am. then i decided to make a change in my boring weekend itenerary and melencong ke Jusco Equinne. I felt so hungry so i decided to have brunch. so head to OldTown White Coffee...

I usually go there with an officemate whenever we need to stayback, although it's not a must-do but ive been here a few times with here...

I had 2half-boiled omega-eggs that i ate with garlic bread... never thought that it's really satisfying that i hardly finished the polo cheese chicken ham sandwich,.. i would bear in mind to avoid the 3rd pic. i dont like the taste of the bread,,, but the cold chocolate enriche drives me crazy... sooooo nice!!

Apart from that went into Jusco to do some shopping... Then head back to putrajaya since i feel my head is spinning... After Zohor i doozed off till awaken by my sis phone call asking me to pickup my stuff at her house in rawang... Rawang... *sigh*... what a journey... so after a good shower just to keep me awake and i drove off...

I arrived during maghrib and ate some chapati with sambal and took off. only to find i'm stuck... the entire journey involving the highway was smooth... masuk2 putrajaya je... terus jam... banyak polis... only then i remembered, 16th August the 2nd day for the fireworks.... darn!! Since my house is nearPICC so i dont count on getting back to my house, i went against the curremt, using jln dalam and went to alamanda's cold storage to buy me some stuff for my fridge so that i wont suffer if i'm imsomniaic agian...

As i arrived home that night, i looked up the sky as usual... the sky was cloudy and clear and bright (was it because of fireworks effect??) but i took anothe pic of it... tak serik2...

SUNDAY

Really tidoq dgn jayanya since i was unable to sleep again last night.... slept at 7am!! so after that my head became so heavy, my mind became weng weng and i dozed off... i nearly missed my zohor and after that did some heavy house chores as my house looks like h*ll... tongkang terbalik tahap angkasa pun ada... after maghrib went alamanda again (alamanda is less then 0mins from my house and i have no other choice since after the fuel increase my movements are precious)

The main reason was to send 2 pairs of my black shoes to a cobler there... and to have breakfast+ lunch+dinner also....

Need to hang around for one hour for my shoes to be ready... Yesterday when i went to Cold storage i n oticed that Kenny Rogers dah open. So decided to have my dinner there.. It has been a while since i last dine in KR...

I love the side dishes, but the chicken itself... perhaps i should have ordered blackpepper but since perut tgh kosong i dare not.... so the chicken is avarage... but the cold chocolicious is not delicious.... so syrup like taste.. *sigh*... looks more appealing compared to OldTown's enrich choc but the taste is not comparable...

iced Enriched is totally delicious and blew my mind away... culd have had 2 glasses... What can i say, i'm a pure choc lover! And it cost me RM23 to mend heels for 2 pair of shoes... cekik darah

And the entire of next week wont be around... work trip to the north starting from penang.... will move after work with the others...

phenomenal....

2008-08-08T22:14:00.000+08:00

last night at nearly 12am in midnight i've just arrived home, as i approached the gates there i looked up thee roof of my house and saw a shimmering shine of the moon where Neil Armstrong and Apollo 11 landed some 39 years ago... of course what i saw is definitely a beautiful scene unlike what i captured on my camera (where's DSLR when i need one)... the dynamic aerial of my house (so it is clear i dont ahve astro) is beshadowed by the glaring moon light...

i suddenly felt the chill... it was midnight, i've returnd from my tuition class and the stopped for dinner and only then i reached my house... earlier it was raining.... i took off from the office quite early since later i have tuition class.. as i went out clearly it was raining wof wof and meow meow (cats and dogs)... terpaksa pulak redah the rain just to get to my car which happens to be parked quite far outside.....

actually the chill wasnt bout the weather but hey, it's midnight, nstead of seeing a full moon, i might have seen somethingelse crossing by... God forbid... well u know??

however, i had a friendly welcome back until i took 20 minutes just to open my door..

u see?? this kitty is too friendly with me... with it wrapping itself to me, rubbing itself against my legs its really difficult to walk ensuring that i do not step on it's tail...

rain + cats = asthma

well actually, i can barely sleep that night...

it has been a lil while since i have difficulty in sleeping... but last night i was really tired and yet i hardly sleep...

as i was drifting away, i thought i heard voices....

suddenly heard one clear male voice whispering,

" kenapa? nampak pon*ianak ke??"

i quickly opened my eyes... my heart was pounding.... i barely breathe....

what the hell was that..??

my chest was in dread pain... my heart was so weak that any sensation, or shocking event can easily cause an attack.... so today, i was flat on the bed... geezzz i never thought my body was this weak... and i have to teach on saturdays also...

that was the second time i had this kind of disturbance... it was in this week jugak... those who feel i was being delusional or keep on making excuse anr being self-pity, just reserve your comments... that was my first excuse of all these, u know the effect of these drugs... but then 2nd time??? the same whisper, the same sentence???

.....................

previously, some of the clear reasons of me being unable to get decent sleep was due to faint voices that i decided was delusional, and disturbing dreams... scary ones... which made me dare not sleep..

this week, i got the same disturbances... cespecially now my body is weak...

i wonder what's up....

i suppose i should take up my boss recommendation of going to Darusshifa'

what do u think??? should i??? have u guys heard anything of the instituition??? i feel my body is too weak... well??

there and back again (macam cerita hobits pulak)

2008-08-03T18:21:00.000+08:00

This photo took place on a bus (NICE) that took off at 12noon on saturday the 2nd Aug 2008 to penang and was stranded on the Penang Bridge due to massive construction of adding more width to the bridge... so pacted and that time the bus was full with tourists and particularly from Middle East, the Arabs... they were kind of taken aback to find such jam occured in penang, not just in KL.

so many of them took the opportunity to record the scenic view of the malaca straits from inside the bus... kiri kanan laut... and the island is not that visible due to haze.. me in my condition, no good...

anyway, i went back by force, since that night (saturday) will be the annual general meeting for my problematic bahagian Jelutong. So my sister already bought me a NICE ticket for me on saturday afternoon that was scheduled to take off at 12 and i was supposed to claim my ticket at the counter. And my tuition finishes at 10.30am. Usually i'll drive to wangsa maju and drop my car at my bro's place and have him to drop me off to KTM kl but since masa terlalu suntuk and my tuition center is in tmn puncak jalil so immediately after i dismissed my class i sped off to Putrajaya central, locked my car, leave it there and took ERL to KL sentral and then took Komuter pulak to KTM KL and arrived just in time, took my ticket and off to penang...

I slept most of the time since i slept very2 late last night and had no chance at all to rest since i have tuition pulak in the morning so i really dozed off, when i woke up, i was already passing the tol towards the bridge with the construction and jam and all...

and i reached my house around nearly 5.30pm. my house was packed since my sister came with her husband, my bro ada di penang with his entire family including his inlaws so i cant find chance to rest. and that night cawangan kami pun bersidang.. and we're the last to do so...

what i know i rasa macam dah malas because my Bahagian is a chronic case of the typical UMNO disease... and i do not want to be infected. and i have no reason to mengampu anyone di atas sana, so i only contribute to my cawangan, and care nothing of Jelutong... Jeff Ooi pun tak buat apa2 for us... sedangkan dia wakil rakyat Jelutong... so nuff said...

anyway today (sunday), at 11am, i took another NICE to KL at 11am. i malas balik lambat mengenangkan keta i sebatang kara kat putrajayasentral so letih pun letihla...

if i were to buy the ticket myself mmg haramla takkan beli seat blakang... i like to sit in front... but it was a full bus, with arabs again and thay assume i was one of them (hampeh). NICE and PLUSLINER busses stops at KTM KL the old railway station so that's why i prefer to be here rather to endure the PUDU... so once i arrived at nearly 4pm i took komuter to KL Sentral. when i was in the komuter, the affordable, fast public transportation, i wonder if i'm really in Malaysia... to see banyak bangla and indon... cuakla jugak but then what to do, depa cari makan kat sini sama la macam org kita yg bertebaran di luar sana, so i avoid the prejudice... so i pun bergegasla pulak transit ke ERL KLIA....

sib baik tak tertinggal coach,... ERL is super clean and exclusive as well.. tak ramai yg naik.. the trip to putrajaya cost me RM9.50... but Komuter is nothing la compared to ERL ni... very convenient.. but bila difikir blh menjurus ke arah kepokaian jugak kalau diamal hari2... but still better than car fuel expenses...

as i reached my destination my heart pounded beyond limit... thinking i left my car semalaman kat putrajaya sentral... i i walked out of the entrance i look at my far left and exhaled intensedly to find my car s still the position it was left yesterday. unspoiled... lega makcik.. but my colleagues said mmg slalu org tinggalkan kereta kat situ...

Ye ke??

as you can see i only bring a black bagpack, my black handbag that's all... cuma kat kl sentral tadi sempat TERsinggah and TERbeli a pair of gorgeous black shoes hehe... so my family was kind of surprised to see me sehelai sepinggang gitu... hehe because usually that's not the scene la kan..

Jangan marah aaaa... hehe

kuang kuang kuang, pink power

what should i do??

2008-07-27T19:51:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum...
it has been quite a while since i last penned down (should i say typed down) my thoughts here...

lately i have been troubled by my severe health issues... and hence my motivation, self esteem and spirit is going down the drain... luckily these past few weeks i was under the loving care of my mom... without whom i might have ended up on hospital bed...

anyway i'm sort of recovering...

asthma is really a troublesome disease... the last time i was troubled by it was in UKM, where i had to defer (tangguh) 3 semesters, not in a row.... after more than 1 happy year in Putrajaya it strikes again... but now i'm on amend...

so my friends, apologies if:

i was quiet and being on my own for a lil while, i'm under drug influence (those steroids i stuffed into my lungs are drugs)
i got drifted and didnt hear u speak... under same influence
not able to walk the samme pace and not able to join extra activities...
etc

Alhamdulillah my boss seems to comprehend my condition and hopefully i'll quickly heal so that i can be the ever aggresive kawaii again...

sakit sakit jugak, but i'm still teaching, only to find that my current strength is not sufficient... to handle kanak2 yg tgh membesar bagai johan...

lately they are getting very naughty and mischievious... i'm always out of breath just to keep them down...

but 1 thing seems to trouble me... lately some of the girls tried to tell me that this one particular boy in their class (read: year 5) is smoking...

i always cut off their complaints so they assume i do not know. the thing is that this particular boy is clever just that as usual la, ada attitude problem... but all of them know he's my favourite student... sayangla if a talent like this is wasted... and lately he hadnt been a good student either... else, despite of his attitude, he's a good boy, in my class... but now, he's very stubborn, ignored my orders...

last thursday, i came late to class, as i entered the tuition center i saw him outside with his friends... when he came up to my class, the smell is there... Astarghfirullah... cubaan apakah ini??

i purposely buat bodo and tell them to open the class door to get rid of the smell that i kononnya assume coming from outside... he then quickly rushed to the toilet...

at a young age of 11 dah pandai smoke... what should i do??? i'm feeling very sad as he is very talented and smart and quite matured for his age.

what should i do...?? should i..

report to the tuuition operator?
report directly to the parents?
advice him myself
use indirect way to advice him

runtuhla melayu camni... to parents out there, the age of smokers are really dropping... so please keep a close eye on your children... before it's too late...

*sigh*

lastly, enjoy the latest 3 in 1 mamee advertisement (thanks KNO):

Happy 83rd Birthday!!!!

2008-07-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

If i ever come across a man like TUN, i' shall not hesitate to court him.... and tie that wedding not!!! that possess TUN's quality..... The brain, the thinking, the emotions and the passion for the people will always be there... The feeling and sincerity.... mana nak cari...??

Biarlah apa oran nak kata... They can say whatever they like... They can throw whatever words... but Tun, you are the true hero.. for the Malays...

Because of you, Malaysia is truly staning in the eyes of the world.

For once, i'll stop lamenting on how others would say... but

Tun....

Thank you for all the achievemnets you gained for Malaysia, for the Malays and rather, for Islam...

Thank you for establishing Putrajaya where all of us are now...

Thank you for KLIA, KLCC etc that has become center of international attention...

Thank you for sharing your knowledge, your thoughts and emotions...

THANK YOU TUN...

AND HAPPY 83RD BIRTHDAY!!!

MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR THE BETTERNESS OF RAKYAT AND OUR FUTURE....

SINCERELY YOURS,

KAWAII DESU; YOUR DIE HARD FAN

My new darling

2008-07-08T20:43:00.000+08:00

What is inside this red velvet case??

There's a handphone inside....

In the dark age, i depended on the infra-red enabled phone... u know... the one that if u ever need to transfer to any other device u must stuck ur phone's IR port to the device(the other device must also have the IR port duuuhhh)... so i will always look so ridiculous while doing it... tak hi tech langsung. and not to mention with humble internal memory of 11MB..

which is this.... my old sony ericsson K300i

U see??? although i bought this phone a long time ago but now when i join our family gathering i felt so very left behind... being paid each month and not to mention working for a high tech company and yet i'm struggling with this phone... while my form 3 cousin has a Xpressmusic nokia, my std 6 cousin had a canggih samsung with God knows what features.. even my mom and my elder sis had a very elegant sliding samsung with my sis: 3G(i wonder 4 what use), even my younger brother the canggih N93 Nokia.... yg 3G and me???

So last week as i was strolling around Alamanda with my colleague, we stepped into maxis center as she wanted to pay her bill. as i waited my eyes crept the phones section and got stuck to this gorgeous phone displayed in the glass showcase there... i approached and being approached... by the sales girl. She explained that they were having an offer so after that i made some research bout it and before i knew it i was already back again there and without a single doubt claim ownship to this phone............

This Phone...

This red-blood W910i slider seriously fullfill my exhaustive needs.... It's 3G, so i can be connected anytime and it's a walkman too... it has 40MB phome memory and the shakectrl earphones and card reader are inclusive. apart that, they're gave original bluetooth headset and 2GB (GIGABYTES not other GB aaa) memory card... really satisfying....

after all the hard days, weeks and months lately, i finally reward myself or should i say give myself a wonderful treat...

i was eyeing on iPhone but i have doubts in the phone satisfying my audible needs..... hehe...

Besides....

REDHOTphone tu... sedondon with my REDHOT camera which i bought last year... hehe

Merah mak ngah!!!

[edited]

Unfortunately my energy is not as fiery as my gadgets.. again i'm sick and had been on mc today.. i've been sneezing like no one's business and my asthma came back... yg paling tak tahan is the medication... this nasal drop... dahla tak penah use... cam hape je nak drop inside ur nasal aka lobang idung tu... huhu sungguh tak suka...

Oh mai darling...

2008-06-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

sorryla guys... blog ni has slowly becoming inactive due to my condition...

semput manjang... for my cousin who has been reading: yes, aku ni mmg ditakdirkan semput sampai dah tua2 camni... sib aku la, hang tgk aku dari kecik2 sampai lani... anyway, thanks for reading

yesterday i can barely catch up with these active students... to a point where i hold a rotan to scare them... and controlling myself from letting any kind of sound of music coming out of my lungs... like last friday, i had a meeting with some top guns in the Ministry... so i sat next to my boss... was struggling to catch up... as i had hard time breathing... but i remained cool... however, accidently i let out a wheezing sound... hope my boss tak perasan...

anyway, today aka sunday is suppose to be kl day but i was really down with asthma and it really damper my strength... so i was indoor the whole day layan bleach... i was thinking of going to the office later to finish off some stuff but since it was raining anjing and kucing so i put a hold to that... lately that is what i have been doing... watch Bleach ...

just wanna share that i cant leave my head off bleach... seriously i love bleach... before this, i used to love inuyasha, simply love ost dia... oh for those who are lost, i'm talking bout anime... yep, anime... katun jepun... but my eternity love would be fruit basket... trying hard to find the series to be downloaded... just smply love them

as for bleach, it's about Kurosaki Ichigo, a simple mid school student whose life took a 360 degress turn in an encounter with Kuchiki Rukia, Shinigami (death God) from Soul Society... Lawak pun lawak, serious pun serious... it was on tv3 some time ago in sundays but i dont see them anymore...

my favourite charactor is Kuchiki Byakuya... he's so macho... hahaha.. He's the captain of the 6th Suad of Gotei 13 protection suad in Soul Society. He's cool, and one of the most powerful Shinigami in Seireitei... And he's from noble family... so coolll hehe... and i think pantene sponsor most of them kot to have such smooth silky hair heheh...

Of asthma, tonsils and kids

2008-06-21T14:05:00.000+08:00

Reason: Haze , think..

Lately the weather had been absurdly hazy... yeah... berjerebu... the weird thing is that, it only occur in Putrajaya... and it started on the recent Wednesday... I was from my home in Desa Pinggiran which is in the outskirt of Putrajaya and when i arrived Precinct 2 that early morning, everything is so smoky, foggy dan sewaktu dgnnya... and i was supposed to go the Ministry for an important meeting. bad exposure...

so as usual bad weather adalah berkadar direct dgn my health status, the worse the weather, the worse my health would become...

That day i had chesty cough.. The following day (Thursday) it worsen... but terpaksa gagahkan diri as we had our Annual General Meeting in KL Golf & Country Club... Well, by 2.45pm we're back in Putrajaya and i just find it difficult for me to sit around act normally... chest is in pain.. so out of the norms (that will become a routine if i'm sick), i was off to surau and doze off... till 5.30pm!!!

Reason: left my medications either at my aunt's home/bro's home/penang... ubat lelah, my lifeline tu... so had a hard time... to think, in that condition, i'm putting danger to myself..

that friday i couldnt get up... my strength was drained, need that stupid steroid but apakan daya i left it somewhere.. i was on the bed from morning till maghrib... imagine that... only around 8.00pm i gather my strength to confront my doctor... indeed my doc was taken by surprise seing me in that condition...

After a good round of nebulizer (has been 2 years without that machine!), had the dr to check my throat due to the phlegms.. waddaya know, there's a stretch of whiteline at the back of my throat, plus the very inflamed tonsil and throat itself... lagilah dr tu raplah...

Keraplahan dr kesihatan aku ni pulak berkadar songsang dgn kadar percakapannya/ ceramahnya, makin teruk keadaan aku, makin rancak ceramah perdana yg aku terima...

usually i just answer back... but that day i was completely helpless and hopeless... and i had to come back next week if my back throat is still whitish... she had me to check the condition everyday... lain benar cara she made me look at it. she actually dragged me to the sinki and made me look inside my mouth... with her pointing the torchlight into my mouth... and i saw it too..

The diagram below shows that the white spots kat tepi, but my case was simply a clear, thick white line at the back.... and it hurts..

So i was on MC yesterday.. since i was under steroid, i was not ale to sleep last night... and today at 8.30am i had tuition session till 12.45pm...

imagine today (Saturday) i taught std 4&5 for the first 2 hours....

I taught them english....

Pecah otak dggn budak2 ni... me the sick one alone versus 9 very active kids...

there's one time....

i gave em exercise, where i gave em answers and they were suppose to pick the right & appropriate question to match the answer given... and vice versa....

Answer given to them: I am not hungry...
The questions they pick: 1. Do you like the food?

2. Where do you eat?

The question given to them: Why are you laughing?
The answer they pick: 1. I was feeling sad

2. I hurt my knee

3. I LOST MY WALLET

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rasa blh gilak, i can actually lose my sanity upon hearing all theses but i ended up cracking out with laughter hearing them laugh... i get a lot of funny and not to mention silly answers today... Kids will always be kids kan...

at 10.45 service bertukar tangan i replace a colleague and teach year 1&2 english... mighty challenging... a lot tougher than teaching the bigger bros and sis... some of these kids are very slow, easily distracted and damned stubborn... sampai the tuition operator actually told me how she was not able to handle these cheecky kiddies herself, especially in her preggie days... and she said i am a patient person... obviously in this condition haha...

at the end of the day, i made them do spelling, while i had a rattan in my hands... they went so quite haha... i even frightened them saying that i hit their big bros for cheating and being noisy. huhu... of course it's not in my nature to pkul anak org... marah pun tak pandai...

thank God i only sit that class just for that day... orelse my tonsilits will stay there forever...

p/s: 1. look at the picture above, that's how active all of my students tau... letih nak jerit suruh diam...

2 however, immediately i took my medication when i arrived back.... as i was wheezing on my way back to putrajaya tadi...

3. Bani parpu, aku dah jumpa rashdan anak murid yg hang dok kata gila tu... mmg he's wayyy to friendly for a seven years old kid... had my mp3 hanging down my chest di sebalik my tudung and he actually came and touch it (i mean the mp3)!!! freaky... and the way he laughs... scary siout... what have u done bani??? i can scarcely imagine.. bani... aku kesian kat linda tu... hang bagi lingkup anak2 murid then senang2 kata depa gilos huhu

Bani: Oh no, what have i done!!

Confession of a Severely Broken Heart

2008-06-14T21:52:00.001+08:00

It has always been the utmost priority for me to stand up for my principles. And it’s extremely crucial for me to stick to one.

There’s only ONE GOD for me to worship, ALLAH SWT
There will be only ONE MAN for me to marry (GOD’S WILL/INSYA ALLAH)
There’ll be only one of those things in your life, meaning you must take a stand.

I don’t understand with those who don’t have this sentiment
In friendship....
In leadership...
In relationship...

Macam lalang...

sini pun boleh, sana pun boleh...

You must be wondering as to why all of a sudden why i bring up the loyalty issue. When u talk about loyalty isn’t just regarding politics...
For me, when one know where to stand and thou one stand and nowhere else, hence it’s a critical point of a country’s peace and harmony.

It's not like i'm promoting certain party but take a look at the word:

Bersatu, bersetia dan berkhidmat

The first thing is to unite, bersatu...

Then we become loyal, bersetia...

Bila semua dah bersatu dan bersetia, then we can be at service, to your service...

tapi bila tiada kesetiaan, tiada ketaatan dan tiada semangat setiakawan...

HANCUR UKHUWAH, HANCUR PERPADUAN...

kesetiaan tu datang daripada keikhlasan...

Keikhlasan tu adalah perlu, regardless what faith u have...

in Islam, whatever we do is for the sake of Allah... nothingelse...

However when we failed to defend this one value that is vital and critical, then it will corrupt your heart and thus corrupt your relationship...

Let us look at the Middle East... and their crisis

Perhaps they do not realize that US is aggressively occupying their land, taking in control their most precious treasure, the rich oil... When a country is being attacked, the others remained tight at their seats as spectators, some even giving way for the brutal invasion, giving cooperation...

What kind of person does that make you to just sit and look when your brothers and sisters got killed???
A MONSTER...

I came to learn what i consider as a sisterhoodship bond, a genuine friendship is actually fake... that's what happen bila tindak tanduk kita tidak diiringi niat yg betul...

In politics i learn...

NO SUCH THING AS FRIENDS AND SISTERS

And i'm naive enough to believe there were such things...

And as sisters we believe in each other

And as friends we correct each others' mistakes and give aid

And as family we embrace each others' weaknesses with hope to improve

but i'm the only one holding in vain to that belief...

And my heart is severely broken... curse you!!

So to all let us not become monster and become a more caring person...
Dont be so cruel to people around you
Honesty is the best policy and embrace the truth
Sincerity is important and hypocritism is a jerk's act
Loyalty is the most precious potion in the heart and betrayal is well-liked by Syaitan

Be grateful that u r surrounded by friends and Allah has given you some talents to live by, so jgn hanya nampak keburukan dan kelemahan orang lain...
Lastly, hopefully we instill these values that we, our race and religion holds dear to our lives close to our hearts..

United we stand, divided we fall...

p/s:

when u claim to be friends with others, be real about it. i've seen a lot of plastic friendship around...
the above is my frustration, endless frustration in the values of friendship... and i'm refering to a group of these valueless people in Penang... pi mampuih hangpa semua!!

Let's be cinderalla and move about in a pumpkin!!!

2008-06-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

It's like a time bomb...

Should have exploded some time ago... when the explosion is being postponed this is what happens...

Yeah, i'm rambling about the fuel price...

i nearly got a heart attack upon hearing Pak Lah's announcement yesterday when he was mumbling bout the cabinet's decision via berita terkini. I just arrived back from kl, attending SMIDEX 2008 in klcc...

i've mistaken the new rate for RM2.20 and i hurriedly smsed my brother in petronas klcc to fill in my kancil which is currently with him to be repaired. I'm using his black wira now. And he smsed back:

"Kawaii, It's RM2.70 actually, i mean the new price"he corrected me

i feel my head was spinning...

every single muscle(jgn pikiaq yg bukan2) contracts absurdly indicating a potential madness attack. And my intestines as well as my heart are pumping like hell causing a chest pain and some sort of diarrhoea (ciritla)...

i feel sudden misrableness and never gonna be happy again, just like what happened to harry potter when the dementors hit him...

there goes ma plan on having a bigger car... it seems like i'm stuck with my kancil bumblebee for quite a while...

Rumours had been going around for quite a whle regarding this but seriously the rakyat is caught off-guard on the announcement of absurd fuel price revise.

last night (before the critical 12.00 midnight and cinderalla lost her shoe and sit in a raw pumpkin again), i was from alamanda going to bangi to pickup some stuff from a friend so along the way from putrajaya, especially as i reached Bangi i saw rows and rows of car queuing to get their tanks filled. This what i call panic purchase...

looking at my tank which is nearly full i guess i wont join the queue where u'll waste ur time and energy waiting... all the petrostations are of the same scene. unfortunately i was unable to snap photos...

so let's see how can we survive..

from rm 1.92 perlitre to RM2.70... almost 40% increase (the wost in history)
electric tarriff is increasing upon usage exceeding RM43
dairy products had increased and is still is
rice??? the most disturbing issue these days
the cost of living will be elevated, guaranteed...
inflation???

hmmm.... last2 kita semua jadi tarzan... pakai cawat jer...
i wonder if our salary will experience an increase after all this???

so... waiting for salary increase is like bulan jatuh ke riba (esp corporate people)
so thrift is the most relevant word for us now...

most importantly we must use energy diligently... electricity, water and especially fuel...
so now we depend on the researchers to come up with alternative energy that is renewable so that we may no longer be tortured by this insane price hikes of the ever mortal petroleum...

i guess cinderella and her fairy-god mother is way more advance and environmetal friendly when she decided to have a carriage of pumpkin that requires no fuel but pure horse power (i mean rats being transformed to horses that is)... and the farmers get the benefit from the horse dungs for their fertilizers

so guys, let's go for pumpkin coaches say zero to petrol huhuhu (yeah the madness is definitely conquering my sanity)..

KD says: aku nak naik basikal je...

Life is colourful...

2008-05-31T22:38:00.000+08:00

I guess i'm back again....

Previously regardless of how busy i was, i always have time to update my blog, i guess these days time are precious tuk heal luka2 dalaman kan.. hehehe.

Anyway i found the above from my bro's senior's page. Thanks bro :). For more cartoons click here :)

Just to say there's an Inspector Sahab at my house tau... for the past 1 month i have been driving my brother's black wira. i guess it has become a routine for Inspector Sahab to inspect the car before i can actually take off to work.... Do u know who?? And he's very cute tau... hehe

At least senang rasa hati and ceria bila pergi kerja :)

........................................................................

Day in and day out i'll just go to work and nothing unusual happen till one day when i need to go to Maybank which i know the nearest would be at Perbadanan Putrajaya which is opposite Palace of Justice itu.

However the road was blocked and being a Putrajaya resident luckily i tau the back lane. As i was walking i saw massive stage construction... i guess another function involving VVVVIPs la tu.. anyway, we're surrounded by ministries so apa nak heran... however, towards end of last week my officemate inormed me that there's this Citrawarna Malaysia.

So that Saturday i went ot of my nest to have a look. So colourful but for me that's not so meriah like the Pyro Show. Reishmonu was there together with Noryn Aziz and another female singer tak ingat nama huhu...

And i was standing next to the main stage that placed all the VVIPs including our Dep. Prime Minister and the Minister of Tourism Datuk Azalina Othman. Anyway, tak lemeriah sangat, tak jam pun, Alhamdulillah... Unlike last year during the International Pyro Festival (Pesta Bunga Api) during our Independence Day... I have trouble going back home with the massive and illogical jam that has madePutrajaya alive once in a lifetime!

........................................................................

And also please check out the picture below and read carefully muahahaha... Bani, padan muka hang muahahaahah aku kata aku akan buat huhuhu

pada sapa2 yang tak boleh baca aku ingin skali mengeksplenkan hehe,,, there bani u have it... hang mmg parpu sungguh..

Life is full of different colours kan...

1st is the color of humor and laughter
2nd the color of love
3rd the color of properity and harmony (not the burger ok)
4th errr..... BLUE!!! muahahahaha

always look on the bright side...

2008-05-22T22:36:00.000+08:00

The transition of work and certain stages in your life is never easy.. as described by my prev CEO on my first day at work 1.5 years ago, work is like the U phase... u join the company with great expectation and high hopes.... upon facing challenges and the environment and surrounding is not parallel with ur expectation, u tend to go down.... and that's what happening to me... i know i'm falling... deeper and deeper but now i seeking a way out, and trying to go up again.... yup the U phase...

well... today had the first meeting among the researchers and our Vice President... somehow i feel all my problems, all the mighty tight knots on my head loosening... though there are hiccups here and there but i'm struggling with my innerself to overcome my inner messiness. and i agree that we must always find a reason to be happy...

hope Allah give me strength to be back on track, to be strong and aggresively workaholic like before... i really miss those moments... i really do. Ya Allah give me the strength to face the challenges, give me the strength tocombat my illness and most importantly Ya Allah the Almighty only from You can i ask to keep my heart pure and sincere in everything i do and it is all for You.... Amin...

Today i moved out early as i have to conduct tuition class somewhere near Tmn Puncak Jalil (liza chan, if werent for u, all of these while i thout it's in equinn) :)

honestly i'm actually very tired and i find it easy for me to lose my concerntration when i'm sick and tired but today i have to give some touch to a report that shall be presented to Minister esok so my head is somehow packed. these past few months are a challenge for me in terms of managing my time as well as my finance.

when i taught science and english today, i sensed that my students are strangely obidient and as though they can see that i'm very tired and they are very attentive, later I was the last person to get out of the tuition center, together with the operator of the center. She was sort of interviewing me abt the students and how i teach.. at first i was a bit alarmed and i thought maybe i didnt teach well enuff, coming to teach in a tired condition each time and all...

but then only she said that yesterday many of the students in other classes wanted to be in my class, especially for science because they can understand better...

althought in front of her i remained cool and all but dia tak tau betapa kembangnya diri yg sedia kembang ini... it makes me want to work harder... --> there u go a reason to be happy for today :)

somehow BANI, thank you for giving her (the tuition center operator)my name although at first berbakul2 jugak aku maki hang huhuu (back then my tanggungan was not as much as now)...
Thanks again for sharing another way to serve the knowledge that we have and at the same time make money out of it... so today i'll work hard on the report!!! although i'm starving....

KAWAII DESU, gambatte kudasai!!!!

Ada gaya cikgu tak??? hehe

phantom of the opera....

2008-05-15T22:49:00.000+08:00

Sorry for being away for quite a while...

Takdela cuti lama sangat, but then again our company had been restructured under our new CEO, so of course there’ll be dramas everywhere... by then my head was full with these...
Anyway, i was on leave from Wednesday (29th April to 5th May) till Monday... it’s simply because of my duty in Puteri UMNO.... The bureau that i chair organized a workshop on the 4th May and was being officiated by YB. Datuk Noraini Ahmad... our Ketua Puteri UMNO Malaysia. Basically the workshop is more on health and to create awareness... We just want to stay focus on our perjuangan as well as for the societal well-being...

So that Monday i drive back to putrajaya, accompanied by BOTH MY PARENTS...
Well they are most welcomed to my empty home. That Tuesday, both my parents mati kutu tahap angkasa (bak kata doc ubie) while i was at the office, remember bout the incident my xhousemate moved out without early notice and in split second my house was empty...??
So driven by my pity to my parents, i came back early and drag them to alamanda and the next thing i know i have a tv in my house the following day (free delivery maa)... but still my parents mati kutu tahap universe bcoz i totally have forgotten about the antenna... so they just sit and literally watch the tv... tgk je la... teruk i kena aperli with my bored to death parents.

Knowing that the location of my house demands a booster so that Friday after work i again drag my parents to tmn equinn to buy antenna with built-in booster... however, while driving back i can feel my body burning, and i know that i’m down with fever...because the whole company is in a turmoil with the staffs moving (due to the restructuring)... dust lingers and managed to penetrate my throat and nostril.

That Saturday i skipped my tuition classes. Took this opportunity to assemble the antenna... well u know how i simply love DIY stuff?

Before & After

Then again, who will climb up to attach the antenna to the socket up the at the roof??? Luckily my brother is coming so i had him to climb up for me.
And all is done, after some moment configuring the channels, all are set and finally my parents can find some joy in watching the tv huhu

Apart from the antenna, i bought another bookshelf... this is after my parents went back the following day...

Although now the tv is perfectly working but having my parents for nearly a week and suddenly they left (i mean balik)... sure feels different.... was hoping they can stay with me at least a lil bit longer... it’s nice to have someone to wave goodbye to me as i head for work and when i arrive from work... but as i started to feel lonely, a blissful appearance is made....

These cute kittens belong to my neighbour and they never dare to even cross out from the fence of their house, but that night they were playfully playing at my compound... Allah Maha Mendengar... terhibur melihat telatah depa.. so carefree

Huhuhu....

Nama saya Rain...!!!

2008-04-30T02:27:00.000+08:00

Well...

the weather had been absurd lately and it has caused a major, i mean really major impact in my already bad health...

just like the weather, my life episodes have been pretty misrable, rainy and horrible lately... there are times when i just feel like calling it a day...

but I just simply want to believe that the rainy season will be over someday and a beautiful rainbow will appear followed by the bright sunshine that just simply lightens ur day...

so are my miseries... it will end... So i will hang on...

so, i'll be away to treat myself from all this.. hopefully next week i shall return with better health and stronger mind and spirit...

Insya Allah...

p/s: Happy Labour Day in advance ya... :)

[EDITED]
today i'll be driving back to penang immediately after i tn off my laptop ni. so selamat bercuti kepada semua ok... :)

Tags of loyalty....

2008-04-24T14:16:00.000+08:00

TAGGING OF LOYALTY...

[EDITED]

Malasla buat disclaimer panjang2... dah malas gaduh2 lagi dah. nanti my readers lari kan?? so back to business ok :)

Secondly i was being tagged by amerzaman...

What would you do when u are heart broken or tensed?? Name 5
o Eat
o Blog (currently)
o Lament Asmaul Husna (most efficient)
o Sleep (which i find difficult to do)
o Isolate myself (most frequent practice)

- So i will not tag anyone, if u feel like sharing what u do when ur depressed please share ok?

----------------------------------------
This is another sort of tagging that I’ve seen in other blogs but without being tagged, i voluntarily do this... You see, in my resolution i did mentioned bout stopping to shop for bags but somehow my fav bag is shouting out loud. One fine day when i asked a colleague to hold my handbag for me she mentioned how heavy my bag was... at that particular moment, my bag was like vomiting and all the stuff in it peeking out from the 3 compartments.... She then asked what’s inside??

1. This is how my bag looked like.. i can just say i have got to do something before this bag suffered the same fate as others...

2. What’s inside???some papers, klia transit receipt, my touch & go card, parkroyal key holder, and congkak cinema ticket

3. In the same compartment: my overwhelming wallet, schillings, keychain and pantene moisturizer (i don t even realize i had it inside)

4. Second compartment: strictly my makeup case and some schillings and RM1 note

5. The 3rd compartment: my camera, passport (omigosh!),small notebook, some pens, a furniture brochure, my golden card case ad my driving license(omigosh!!!!)

6. Again in the same place: more key chains, some schillings, a pendrive, my inhaler and ubat pi jamban hehehe

7. Again some papers including McD vouchers, MAS boarding pass etc

8. Also a few book mark which i got from KL International Book Fair and Congkak Premier

[edited]
" segala khazanah and sampah kat putrajaya tu ada kat dalam bag hang! mmg patut panggil ang mami bungkuih, berapa banyak bag hang nak angkut?"-my beloved mom, come to think of it, it's kind of true...

Well, i've got a replacement for this bag..... seksa nak menjaga... this bag is cheap, half the price of the old one... bila dilihat serupa saja design... but this is the one and only WHITE bag that i have ever purchased th entire of my life... cam biased pulak aku ni...

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The weather had been bad lately, so is my health.... Yesterday i went to a clinic somewhere in Precinct 9 and I got 6 types of medicines including a cough mixture which i won’t touch. Most of them are for my asthma and phlegm (pronounced as flam). Weirdly, the fever pills are not panadols but rather some strange blue pills (not Viagra ok!). So yesterday i was on MC. It’s so tormenting... so yes, sorry being late in updating as my health in a very bad shape.

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Disclaimer: This short entry has racial essence so for those who don’t support racism please don’t proceed. Thank you.

Loyalty is something i consider as being valuable... but how many of us actually able to do it??? How many actually understand the meaning...???

Few days ago i read online bout a former Gerakan Leader, Dato’ Lee Kah Choon who was an MP of Jelutong(my area) which is now taken by the infamous Jeff Ooi. Previously he was among the said candidate to replace Penang Chief Minister that time, DS Koh Tsu Koon. Since we all know they lost in PRU12/GE12, he resigned all of his positions in Gerakan. But then, to our surprise, he later accepted Lim Guan End’s offer of heading PDC(Penang Dev. Corp) and PenangInvest, both are top posts in Penang State...

I must raise the issue of loyalty here. I worked with him personally before when he was MP but seriously i didn’t really see this coming. While we see this as a loyalty issue in BN but if we are to look on the big picture, loyalty is there, to his people.... the Chinese...

I have always known that they are very collective. Disputes come and go but actually they remain as one.. they have always been the one and only... but the Malays??? Disputes stays and accumulates. Anger and rumours spread like epidemic... Although in Islam we are taught to worship the same God, pray in the same qiblat (Kaabah) and hold dear to the same rukun of Islam and Iman... but we are still apart... shattered to pieces...

Panadol, anyone???

resolutions checkup

2008-04-14T01:12:00.000+08:00

ok so i guess enuff whining...
back to business :)

back to my busy schedule...
this monday (which is today) later this eveningi'll move to penang again with my Senior Vice President and Head of Special Projects aka my former boss M. Z to Penang again...
invited to an international workshop with collaborations with US gov.

will come back on wednesday, Insya Allah..
currently structuring ap program on my capacity in Puteri UMNO, so a bit tight there as well, the week after another seminar by SIRIM....

well.... a lot to consider dont u think?

I must say thanks to TerraRossa which has reminded me to do some checking on my 2008's resolutions...

in January 2008 i wrote:

to read more books

to be a better Muslimah, Insya Allah...

lose weight- no comment

reduce dobby activities, enough investing so much in them, basuh sendiri plak!

be more thrifty- less shopping!

work harder

attend more seminars

avoid procrastimation- which is the hardest

avoid last minute work

lead a more healthy lifestyle- must have enuff sleep!

spend 2 days a week in gymm

work with more speed and efficiency

so.....

on track, more books now that i need a bigger shelf... also had subscribed to readers' digest, fortune and time magazine dring KL BOOK FAIR along with others books which i bought- but need to spend more time on that

hmmm... how to measure this...???

no comment huhuhu

lagi no comments

well no more bags obviously since i banyak spend on my house (thanks 2 my x housemate)

work harder- i do but not hard enuff

attend more seminars- i do...

procrastimation and last minute work- hmmmmmm still trying

LEAD A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE: COMPLETELY OUT OF TRACK! Mr. Z suggested for me to go and meetspecialist to solve my health problems while my current bboss ask me to attend a course on unmasking unconscious mind to cure my so-calle insoomnia.... will get to that after i solve my house issues. currently i'm teaching to rebuild my confidence which had been crushed by personal issues and to discipline myself... trying go along...

So there you go... must work harder to accomplish all targets... wish me luck guys!!!

p/s: have u accomplished yours yet?? :)

I'm going nuts!!!

2008-04-08T20:49:00.001+08:00

Well well... feel like i'm going crazy and i think that i am....

the photo is a proof... suddenly i have so many things on my shoulder, not just work.. my responsibility as a daughter, as a committee of Puteri UMNO, our company's club committee (guess havent done anything on that part yet), as a tuition teacher (starting this week) on weekends... so how about that?

things are also not really that smooth at work... it seems my inpunctuality is repeatedly highlighted.

please guys... help me, my insomnia is really getting out of hand... due to that i end up waking up late, hence start my day feeling tired of all the excitement of rushing to catch up with already late punch time. i'm desperate to end all of this nonsense and become a human once more.....

i might force myself to smile when others highlighted this but trust me it aint any fun...
till one day when i was alone with my new boss he actually asked, "Farah, awak ni ada masalah bangun pagi ke?" although he smiled while asking this but i feel a punch rite on ma face..... DUSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH...

kalau boss lama (Mr. Z, ur the most understanding), he understood, although once in a while he'll scold me and nag and nag... but still he knows i dont intend all of this. he knows my health issues... he's like a brother to me. bila i get the feeling the new boss is not too happy bout this glaring issue of mine, i automatically feel demotivated. dont how nak amik hati my new boss. i also dont want him to feel somehow being compared to my prev boss. i wonder how he feels that i'm till now remain to be so close to my former boss..

enuf highlightng me being late... please know that i dont intend to do this. i never treat the company as my bapak's harta karun and i'm ashamed each time reaching PjH when everybody's around. guilt is all inside, waiting to be unleashed...

do u guys know previously i reached the office by 7.30am if not earlier?? usually sama time dgn makcik cleaner. even the notorious mr. R yg hampeh tu pun used to call me FILO- first in last out....

seriously, what happned to me? why am i not passionate about my work anymore...and i'm forced to do adminisrial work... so diyana, u have my answer as to why i am soooo mandom. Mr. Z did tell me to learn to enjoy my work. i used to be under the amazon rule of one of our hampeh VP but i was fine and totally energetic back then... now????

now i pegang 2 project... must get rid of this nonsense.... becoming more and more melancholic... and pathetic.

feels like shouting out loud!!!!!

this was during our corporate photo shoot and no, this photo will not be included in our upcoming annual report as it's misleading and contain explicit means huu.... yes, my friends are also as gila as i am.

so please help me out... i guess i i kurang kasih sayang kot huhuhu...

[EDITED]

it seems i got disturbing comments with regards this. it's natural for people to disagree on this. but dont immediately judge and punish me for things that u understand superficially. this entry needs ur deepest understanding, and sincere suggestions that are building not destructive.

i have enough negative comments around me, beating everything about me, so now i'm seeking treatment, not anything that will wound me deeper as i'm already badly wounded. i really appreciate kind thoughts that can lift up my soul and spirit not heart crushing words.

Thank you

being in the sky...

2008-03-28T21:49:00.000+08:00

Ya inilah budak gemuk yg slalu kena perli itu. Biaqla aku bawak diri dgn stallion dari Argentina tu... This was during our Family Day @ Cherating.

Anyway now i just take the couldnt be bothered attitude towards her as she likes to do that... especially when something happened to her today... kesian pulak... for those who dont understand please read my previous entry :)

anyway, she did attempt to do it after that but i managed to stop her directly just by saying outloud CUT!!! traffic light lampu merah!!! do not proceed!!! :) :) never thought she just laughs and talks bout other things pulak.... i guess last thursday i did some muhasabah diri along the journey to penang... yes...

it was thursday (27th) and i had to follow my bosses to penang for a serious discussion with some TNCs of USM. we went by flight...

i have always like to observe airplanes... the ones in the air i mean. would endlessly wonder how something weights hundreds of tonnes can be up up in the sky so high....

SUBHANALLAH..

honestly, it has been nearly 9 years since my last flight, which was during my matriculation years. It was from penang to kl. seriously i have forgotten it felt like to be on a plane... i dont care if people said i was from hutan banat or from the village, not everybody will experience such means of transportation... i completely ignored the Indian gentleman next to me who first thought i was a lawyer (i suppose seeing me looking out of the window, clicking for scenes endlessly, i guess he must have changed his mind) i just cant keep my head away from looking out the window. it so happened that i sat near the wing so i keenfully observed the movements of the panels flipping on the wings to certain angles at certain conditions throughout the jurney...

i'm sorry for those who thinks that Kawaii Desu is jakun and surprised that it has been a while since KD last get herself on board. Even before this nak pi Singapore pun via bus... as we made stops to several stakeholders in Johor.

As the plane sped and slowly taking it's height into the sky, i felt so light... so light... and i endless feel amazed with how Allah has granted us with brains that allow us to explore the knowledge for humankind and we can utilize it to urgently transport us to a farway destination in the fastest time possible... so distance should no longer be an issues in any case of emergency...

but still... man misused the nowledge Allah gave them... the technology that they create is so sophisticated by sayang sekali it's being used for destruction of mankind... no longer for comfort, emergency and defence...

below are the photos i took from the cabin. such magnificent view... before this i was devastated due to being belittled by my certain friend. but while we were thousands of feet of altitude above the sky... the feeling is indeed indescribable. i know that after this, this is what i'll feel. same as KLCC twin tower. tak pernah jemu mandang although dah bertahun2 ngadap that building..

we went back to penang the very same day, flight was at 6.50pm. so i took photos again... the scene is totally different...

i really like the sunset view... i was a bit sentimental that day... thinking how somebody like me can conquer the sky.... a very motivating feeling... reasonable motivation....

but what ever comes up must come down... that's what Issac Newton discovered upon a falling apple from a tree.

once we touched down, i felt that somehow i can do better in life, there's a will ther's a way... so i guess... just try my best la kot.. besides, people who mistreats others will get their share of punishment jugak.. so hang on in there..

By the way, among all the shots, this is my favourite....

kingdom of clouds... i'm the queen... but who's my king??? hehe

was away for treatment but came back wounded...

2008-03-23T20:30:00.000+08:00

First and foremost salam Maulidur Rasul kepada semua yg beragama Islam. semoga kita dapat mengikuti teladan Rasulullah yg merupakan contoh terbaik kepada semua. Sorry for the late wish. Was extremely busy...

have been away for quite some time for my company's Family Day situated at Holiday Villa, Cherating, Pahang...

It was quite a nice place and most imprtantly quite a nice event...
We moved from putrajaya on friday and arrived around 4.30pm.

i'll definitely will blog this out later...
but i brought my parents along. it's such a sad thing that my parents had to witness some 'friends' pass bad remarks bout me... as they looked at my parents, then this one colleague said out loud, "Ko ni anak angkat ke? pesal mak bapak ko kecik2 je??" only one sentence but enuf to strike lightning...

my mom was offended.. when we arrived my mom actually asked, who is she? whether i have any issues with her etc... my mom said," kita susah payah beranak hang, org senang2 kata anak angkat"

she didnt just stop there.. harrassing me with my physical issues...
it was during the last day (today, sunday) when we have a staff retreat, the facilitator just mentioned bout how insulting others can demotivated one self...
and yet during break she can actually insult me non stop, and this has encouraged 2,3 others to do the same... i actually reminded her bout what the faci said but she said takpe nanti blh mintak maaf jokingly... and she continued... especially when others add in... i ended up leaving them and be in the ballroom alone... it seems she enjoys laying around with my physical issues...
lucikly my parents were not there to see this... i'm actually ashamed with my parents, because i was insulted in front of them...

i never thought that this sort of thing can really bring me down...
i was really feeling down... again... already the election blues is still effecting me....

what i want to emphasiz here is that

why must u insult others who are not perfect?
do u think u r perfect???
how cam malays unite if we have this kind of attitude among us?
dont be so selfish and talking emotionlessly hurting others
dont u know Allah will pay u back all the insults u give people
arent u afraid that ur daughter might be bigger than she should when she's older??
i wonder did i really do something to u to be treated this way???
dont u have any respect for my parents??? to insult me in front of them??
if u think ur trying to do some reverse physicology with, i aint buyin' that bullsh*t. it's nonsense. i dont appreciate people pressuring me just to make me perform or anything of that sort. i dont function that way!!!!

sometimes i really feel afraid to put anything in my mouth as people around will think that that is the 10th time i eat when i actually usually skip my meals and ends up with tormenting gastric?

seriously i tell you... i came from methodist girls' school penang. my best frend was a chinese... but the chinese teachers used to make my live there a living hell... but still my friends are great.. no such thing as

jealousy
stab on my back
bad mouthing me
complaints about me; especially on my back
if they are concerned, they'll advice me in a gentle way
they will never ever hurt me like this, and my friends are like the cream of chinese... the head girl, prefects... still so humble...

why cant malays be like this??

why must we hurt each others so much?? i'm always bogged down with my work. dont really go around gossiping and yet why kacau me???

tadi i was refraining myself in vain from crying. But i cried on the bus... alone...

*sigh*

p/s: to my officemates who read this, may whatever u read ends here. plese kindly do not extend the questions in ur head around as i already have enuff problems on my head. this is the only place i can let go off my woes... if u want to know, please ask me personally. thank you

Announcing the New Cabinet

2008-03-18T16:50:00.000+08:00

People, enuff with the woes, enuff with the post mortem..

It's time for us to look ahead...

Think about the way forward...

Go beyond the boundaries...

Think...
How to bounce back from the fall.
How win the rakyats' heart once more

Strategize!!!

Enuff barking already, no point tunjuk2 perasaan ni...
People will loath u even more...

Today at noon Pak Lah as the President of BN has announced the new cabinet..
Mari kita lihat siapa yg kena!!!

Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi
Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak

Ministers in the Prime Minister's Department
Tan Sri Bernard Dompok
Datuk Seri Nazri Aziz
Datuk Ahmad Zahid Hamidi
Datuk Mohd Zaid Ibrahim
Datuk Amirsham Abdul Aziz

Deputy Ministers in the Prime Minister's Department
Datuk Johari Baharom
Datuk Dr Mashitah Ibrahim
Datuk K. Devamany
Datuk Hassan MalikF

FinanceMinister - Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi
Second Finance Minister - Tan Sri Nor Mohamed Yakcop
Deputies - Datuk Ahmad Husni Hanadzlah,
Datuk Kong Cho Ha DefenseMinister - Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak
Deputy - Datuk Wira Abu Seman Yusop

Internal Security and Home Affairs
Minister - Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar
Deputies - Datuk Chor Chee Heong,
Senator Wan Ahmad Farid Wan Salleh

Housing and Local Government
Minister -Datuk Ong Ka Chuan
Deputies - Datuk Robert Lau ,
Datuk Hamzah Zainuddin

Works Minister
Minister - Datuk Mohd Zin Mohamad
Deputy- Datuk Yong Khoon Seng

Energy, Water and Communications
Minister - Datuk Shaziman Abu Mansor
Deputy- Datuk Joseph Salang Gandum

Agriculture and Agro-based Industry
Minister - Datuk Mustapa Mohamed
Deputy - Datin Paduka Rohani Abdul Karim

International Trade and Industry
Minister -Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin
Deputies- Loh Wei Keong,
Datuk Jacob Dungau Sagan

Foreign Affairs
Minister -Datuk Seri Dr Rais Yatim
Deputy- Tunku Azlan Abu Bakar

Education
Minister -Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein
Deputies -Datuk Wee Ka Siong,
Datuk Razali Ismail

Higher Education
Minister - Datuk Khaled Nordin
Deputies - Khoo Kok Choong,
Datuk Idris Harun

Transport
Datuk Ong Tee Keat
Deputy - Anifah Aman

Human Resources
Datuk S. Subramaniam
Deputy- Datuk Noraini Ahmad

Women, Family and Community Development
Minister-Datuk Dr Ng Yen Yen
Deputy- Noriah Kasnon

National Unity, Culture, Arts and Heritage
Minister- Datuk Shafie Apdal
Deputy-Datuk Teng Boon Soon Science,

Technology and Innovation
Minister- Datuk Dr Maximus Ongkili
Deputy- Fadilah Yusof

Entrepreneurial and Cooperative Development
Minister - Datuk Noh Omar
Deputy- Datuk Saiffuddin Abdullah

Natural Resources and Environment
Minister - Datuk Douglas Unggah Embas
Deputy - Datuk Abu Ghapur Salleh

Rural and Regional Development
Minister - Tan Sri Muhammad Muhd Taib
Deputy- Tan Sri Joseph Kurup

Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs
Minister - Datuk Shahrir Samad
Deputy - Jelaing Mersat

Plantation Industries and Commodities
Minister - Datuk Peter Chin Fah Kui
Deputy- Senator A. Kohilan

Youth and Sports
Minister - Datuk Ismail Sabri Yaacob
Deputy - Wee Jack Seng

Health
Minister - Datuk Liow Tiong Lai
Deputy- Datuk Dr Abdul Latiff Ahmad

Information
Minister - Datuk Ahmad Shabery Cheek
Deputy- Datuk Tan Lian Hoe

Tourism
Minister - Datuk Azalina Othman
Deputy - Datuk Sulaiman Abdul Rahman Abu Taib

FT
Minister - Datuk Zulhasnan Rafique
Deputy- M. Saravanan

So, how's the future going to be be??
Marilah kita menjayakannya...
Perkasakan AGAMA, BANGSA & NEGARA.....

Let's make the future for the next generation brighter!!!

Tumbangnya Sebuah Kerajaan

2008-03-11T21:08:00.000+08:00

Penang: 8 MARCH 08, what went wrong??

yesterday was my first day at work,
i have been away since last thursday.

upon seeing my face, lots of questions are in the air...
mostly asking me what happened to penang....

yeah... Penang, my hometown.
"Kawaii, apa dah jadi dgn kampung hang? La.... hang tak cukup berkempen ke?"

etc etc etc.....

i can just liken myslf to lemony snickets a series of unfortunate events... due to several reasons:

i was supposed to go back on wednesday to penang but my new boss keeps asking this and that so i cancelled. Mr. Z, i miss u waaaaaaaaaaaa....
i woke up late that thursday so end up service my car in the afternoon.
it's a red flag day that day ( hate that)
the setoopid guy forgot to do balancing for my tyres and did it after they alligned the tyres.
as i was waiting patiently for them to finish off the service, i beging to feel the chill... oh no, i'm down with terrible fever....
i decided to gagahkan diri and drive back to penang that night at 9pm. stopped at sg buloh and tapah just to puke (vomit)....
arrived at 1.10am friday and got scolded for coming back in this condition
flat the whole friday was not able to help the campaigns. demam yg mengerang
went to clinic on saturday and got scolded by my doc. my fever at that point of time: 40 degrees celcius! then i went to throw my vote and stayed back to do some analysis at pejabat bahagian.
after i cast my votes into the peti undi as i walked out the ketua called me because he thought i purposely left one paper at the booth. the agents then told him they saw we submitting both ADUN and PARLIAMENT votes and i didnt used that booth. well somebody used their eyes.
the last unfortunate thing that happend: BN lost penang to DAP

Let's have some politic talks now shall we? of PENANG, of course....

THE SEATS?

There are 13 parliament seats and 40 DUN seats in PENANG.
BN only won 2 parliament seat which are namely Tasek Gelugor (YB Tan Sri Nor Mohamed Yakcob- 2nd Finance Minister) and Kepala Batas (YAB DS Abdullah Ahmad Badawi- PM)

DAP won all the 7 seats they contested. PKR won 4seats

As for the 40 KADUNs (Kawasan Dewan Perundangan Negeri)
In total, BN only managed to secure 11 DUNs out of 40. BN won all the 6 DUNs in Task Gelugor and Kepala Batas. Also all the 3 DUNs in Balik Pulau also are with BN inspite the parliament seat are with the altrnative gov. 1 DUN seat in Seberang Jaya which in the hotspot of permatang pauh also remained with BN. DUN Sg. Acheh in the Nibong Tebal also instills BN rep.

So how's the BA's doing in penang?

DAP took 7 parliament seats while PKR got 4. None for PAS. BN only 2; the least
DAP won 19 DUN seats, while BN got 11. PKR won 9 seats while PAS only got 1 seat.

For full results see here. See for yourself the votes in your areas as well as overall.

According to our analysis, more than 60% votes coming from the chinese communities while only around 30% are the Malay voice. 10% of the votes comes from others.

NOW, WHERE ARE THE MALAYS?

Overall, in Penang the Chinese population are 43.4% and the Malays are 40.2%.

Not much of a difference...

So what happened??
WHY BN lost?

Since 1969, Penang had been rule by Gerakan which had a chinese as the Chief Minister. Yes... Many said Chinese had all the power in Penang. But this time around Gerakan lost all the seats. ALL....

So does MCA....

So let me ask again, what is going on? Is it the chinese swing their votes as well as their loyalties to BN? Or something is wrong with these 2 BN component parties???

However, this is no longer an isolated problem in Penang but BN defeat is disturbingly glaring and lost 5 states to the oppoitions. Now that's the worst record.

A LIL BIT OF POST MORTEM, shall we?

A lot of angry citizens
It is most glaring that a lot of issues surfaced these days. The hike of prices, including the tolls and fuel indeed did fueled up the rakyat's anger with the government. The oppositions did manage to play with these issues pretty well.

The chinese are turning away
It is obvious that they will only vote for a gov that will benefit them. But then who wont, right? Obviously Pak Lah's leadership no longer convinced them. The household issues as well as the racial issues has managed to turn them away from Gerkan and MCA. DAP has certainly succeeded with their tagline Support MCA & Gerakan = Strengthen UMNO hegemony. Obviously the chinese buy that.

The rise of Jeff Ooi
The Screenshots blogger has certainly made it to parliament. What makes him think that he knows Jelutong (which happens to be my area) so well??? I am not sure of the Malays fate after this.

Bad strategy from UMNO and BN alike
Not only the placement of candidates is in a turmoil? Placing the wrong candidates is also named as the main reason why the candidates failed. Not only that, announcing the upcoming CMs or Menteri Besars also apparently seemed to be a major cause of defeat to BN and UMNO. It is not a wise act. Not only it will demoralised the supporters but also demotivate other candidates and individuals who hoped to contest as well... I dont think i can put any examples here. But just look what happened when calon Menteri Besar Kelantan and CM Penang was announced? Rakyat dont like what they hear.

New trend; young candidates and agressive oppositions
Look at the oppositions. Nurul Izzah's triumph over DS Shahrizat Abd. Jalil is already one of it. And also mingling around racial issues really does the trick.

By looking at these, what can be the measuring point? Is it the candidate's previous performance or party as overall??

The anger towards the top leaders of UMNO in particular has resulted the rakyat to punish the rest of the candidates. Many have said the rakyat are more matured, but i say not.

Is it matured to let the opposition win? Let me ask the Malays, is it considered matured to give ur votes to DAP?? i can understand if u choose PAS, but why DAP?????

WHY???? Dont punish the people for what the top leaders did. Now i hope u people are happy. There will be no UMNO members in the council to fight for the Malays. None. Happy??? or didn't think of it?? Tak terpikiaq??? Well that's not matured now is it?

Only the penangites... How about the Malays outside Penang? Do u understand our miseries? Do u?

*sigh*

Hope for the best and prepared for the worst....

Suddenly the song WARISAN that i learnt when i was in std 3 lingers in my mind...

Anak kecil main api
Terbakar hatinya yang sepi
Airmata darah bercampur keringat
Bumi dipijak milik orang

Nenek moyang kaya raya
Tergadai seluruh harta benda
Akibat sengketa sesama kita
Cita lenyap di arus zaman

Indahnya bumi kita ini
Warisan berkurun lamanya
Hasil mengalir ke tangan yang lain
Pribumi merintih sendiri

Masa depan sungguh kelam
Kan lenyap peristiwa semalam
Tertutup hati terkunci mati
Maruah peribadi dah hilang

Kini kita cuma tinggal kuasa
Yang akan menentukan bangsa
Bersatulah hati bersama berbakti
Pulih kembali harga diri

Kita sudah tiada masa
Majulah dengan gagah perkasa
Janganlah terlalai teruskan usaha
Melayu kan gagah di Nusantara

I just remembered the 13 MAY incident. Please read it. And wake up Malays!!! No more time to entertaint our political differences.... No more....